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| "Mary Hannah and Boblena" |
My sweet Miss Priss fell in love with her Ag teacher. We will call said Ag teacher JESSICA STUTES. Well Miss Priss came home everyday extolling the virtues of Ms. Stutes. That would be perfectly fine with me. She was a good kid and we didn't own any land. We lived on a postage stamp. So what can it hurt for her to take an Ag class. Not a thing. So I thought. I have been wrong before. So Miss Priss happily set off for the Ag class. Miss Priss kinda sorta wanted to be a Vet so Ag would be a good idea right? So she signed up for the Vet Tech class. What could this hurt.
Miss Priss comes home one day and said .... Mama I want a pig. Bill said oh Miss Priss we don't have room for a pot bellied pig. NOOOOOOOOOO said Miss Priss I want a real pig! I swear when she said it her eyes sparkled and she promised me the moon. A clean room, do her laundry, watch her brother, and just any old other thing I wanted.
Now you ave to understand the background on this. I was married to a farmer. He had pigs. He had cows. He row cropped. This was not my first rodeo. I said when I left said farmer "I will never ever ever have anymore livestock again. I don't even want to look at a cow or a pig." The pigs stank and when the wind blew just right my whole yard was stinky. I would complain and he would say ..."smells like money". Didn't smell like money to me. Smelled like pig crap! Well DH and I said NOPE, not gonna happen, I don't think so, nope end of conversation.
Well if you know Miss Priss, there is never an end to a conversation. So for days all I heard was pig this and pig that and pig pig pig until I thought I would scream! So I decided logic was in order. Miss Priss I say " where would be keep said pig". I don't think the city would let us keep one in out yard. She said OH! no problem, we keep it at the Ag barn. I said Mary Hannah how much is said pig. She said oh not much. OK, what is not much. Turns out that pork chop was going to cost me $250 dollars. (little did I know at the time Dan Reed and Ms. Stutes were just suckin me in with the $250 pig )
So DH and I had a talk and we decided, really what could one pig actually cost. ( this is an if i only knew then what I know now ) So I caught Ms. Stutes in the hall one day and said OMG tell me about this pig thing. I got the low down. I think now she left some stuff out!
So we tell (me and DH) Miss Priss she may have one pig. Don't ask for more. We are not going to do this over and over. ( yeah right) So Miss Priss cleaned her room and watched her brother for us to go out and eat. I don't think the room has been cleaned since. So on Friday we gather all the stuff one needs for a pig. We paid some pen rent at $50, bucket $20 ( of course we had to have a pink one), chain feeder $25 bucks, 3 bags of shavings $35, Pvc pipe $2.00, PVC pipe cap $7, glue $3, Bungee cords $10, and one heat lamp $20 including bulb. So now we are up to $422 bucks and we don't have feed. So we leave and go to the feed store. We get feed, 5 bags at $22 a bag. We are now to $ 532 bucks. I'm seeing we are in trouble deep.
That afternoon we get the call. Ms. Stutes has the pig at the school barn. So we leave and she sure did buy us the cutest pig on earth. Miss Priss named her Boblena. Miss Priss was in love. She stayed with the pig until I said I'm leaving you can see her in the morning. I think there was some argument that Miss Priss could sleep with Boblena. I said no you can't sleep with a pig ... geeezzzzzzzz while little did I know it would happen and happen alot!
So we have Boblena and Miss Priss is so happy. In a few weeks Ms. Stutes said there is a show and Miss Priss needs to take Boblena. They might can place pretty well. I was like yeah yeah we never win anything and that pig is runt like. Compared to the others in the barn we were sitting on 50 lbs of pure loser. Miss Priss loved Boblena though with allllllllllll her heart and just knew she could win. I was like well can we take it in the car. So we did, with a dog crate. This would be the first of many pigs to ride in my car.
Well the week before the show Miss Priss tells me we have to have purple shampoo, revive to treat her skin and then we have to clip her. "Clip her" would mean she gets a shave. So we/she did. So the day of the show we load up Boblena in a dog crate formerly belonging to Ruby our dog and off we go. We get there and Boblena got to rest. I didn't get to rest though. I was the go fetch and toter! I did not sign up for this. So Miss Priss goes to wash her pig. She fed her pig with help from Ms. Stutes and all was hunky dorry. There were some large hams there. I thought nah Miss Priss is pretty and all but we won't win that pig is too small .... and we didn't have a charolette to weave for us.
Well Miss Priss went to get dressed, all I can say is this was the day my Miss Priss turned in to "Sparkles" Queen of the Pigs. ( and i don't mean that in a negative way ) She was transformed right before my very eyes. She had on huge Make up, big hair and some dang jewelry as big as my head. I'm not sure how she was holding her head up! I said "miss priss where did you get that stuff and she smiled with stars in those sparklie eyes that she cold barely open from the mascara and said MS. STUTES. Now at this point I had to ask, " are they judging you or BOBLENA". I got an eye roll. Seems to me if Miss Priss aka SParklies had to look good Boblena needed a bow or something.
So its her turn and off they go. Miss Priss aka Sparlie and Boblena. Miss Priss had her hot pink "pig whip" she never had to really "whip" anything as Boblena followed her anywhere she thought there were marshmallows and rice krispy treats. So they go in the ring and I'm standing there skeptical. Then I see the other pigs and I think well just maybe? So they make their circles and weave in and out of pig traffic like they had done this before. I must say I was very impressed. Well next thing I know they put them in a pen. So I'm thinking oh better luck next time they put them out. Well low and behold I see Ms. Stutes jumping bleachers and running and cussin and wooohooooin and causing all kind of loudness ... and I was like ummmm what. DH was kinda worried the Ag teacher was cussin and yelling. It seemed very un teacher like(All I can say now is LOL.) Turns out penned is good. So DH and I amble over. DH in his loafers trying not to step in anything. Ferragamos and PIG POOP we learned do not mix. So here we are and Miss Priss aka sparklies is grinnning from ear to ear and kissing that pig. Boblena looked kinda proud to. So I said what happens next. Well Ms. Stutes explained they had to go back out and they would either win or be out of the show.
You people know what I'm thinking. Not that i'm pessimistic but it was the first time Miss Priss aka Sparklie had ever walked around with a pig in a circle. Well here they go and the judge is pointing out pigs and putting out pigs and Pretty soon I her Ms. Stutes scream HELLLLLLLLLL YEAH! ( you have to know her ) I realized this could be a good thing. Then i realize its only Miss Priss aka Sparklies who were left. They have won. They won the class ... Miss Priss got and envelope and she was happy. I opened the envelope and there was $20 bucks. Not quite what I had invested so far but well you know.
So I'm ready to go. NOPE turns out we have a few more circles to make. So Miss Priss and Boblena went in again as Class winners. They circle and weave and dodge and move around and sure enough Miss Priss and Boblena are left alone again. Then I hear it HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL YEAH! I looked at DH and said ummm I think she won. Ms. Stutes just looked at me like I had grown and extra head and said ummm yeah! SHE WON.
Miss Priss and Boblena received the first of many sparklie new LARGE belt buckles! That was it the fever had hit. Miss Priss was hooked. She came out of the ring saying MAMA I NEED A HOUSTON PIG! So here we are, OMG I think we are in the pig showin business. How bad can this be 2 pigs a year, couple of shows and maybe some wins. RIGHT! mmmmm hummmmmm that is a whole other story.
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