National Go Braless Day ... your kidding right

Walks up, takes out a soap box and stands on it ... Begins...

So I was looking at my facebook and oh, how I love my facebook.  Seems my friends seem to be celebrating Flip Flop day, Ronald McDonald House day etc... now I am all for these things but really I wear flip flops everyday.  I have that kinda job.  I throw my change in the "help support Ronald McDonald house thingy" and well quite frankly I'm lucking to know if its Monday, Tuesday or Friday.  I'm always asking someone "what day is this"?  So tonight I'm looking at m handy dandy facebook.  You all know that's where I get all my Tennessee and Texas gossip to share with Mama Sue.  Mama Sue and I  we sure do love some gossip.  I call her everyday and the very first thing I say is "whats the gossip lady"?  She will then share some juicy tidbit.  Now I know Sharon Tennessee and Weakley county are small but you know they have some GOOODDD i dee clare gossip!

So here i was all facebookin and lookin at everyones pictures and tryin to be all nosy and scope out peoples page that i'm not a friend of and who are not as savy as me and don't lock their page.  I was getting gossip for Mama Sue tomorrow.  Low and behold there was July 6 invite "National Go Braless Day".  Now really do you really think i can go braless with these.  Once about 25 years ago maybe but then my mama would have said " oh no march yourself up those stairs and put on your underwear". 

I ask you "REALLY" do we need a National go Braless day.  NO WE DO NOT.  You all know as well as i do the only people going braless are the ones we don't wanna ever see braless.  The only exception is if you were in a tornado.  When you heard the freight train a comin you ran out to the basement or ditch or whatever you do to protect yourself in your mu mu and hair rollers and waited for the TV crew.  The only excuse is you did not have time and were loungin in said mu mu when the afore mentioned event occurred!  The only other exception is if you were in a wreck or got into a cardiac arrest situation and someone cut your bra off to perform CPR.  Then you are excused if you arrive at the ER braless.  Those two events being the only exception.

The above CPR mentioned issue will never happen to me.  I have told all my friends who are nurses, doctors, emts and such.  If you have to cut my bra off FERGETABOUT IT! I mean that. I'm not scared of a shock burn.  I'm more scared that when they cut my bra off my boobs will fall under my armpits and I'll never be able to gather them up in time to get to the ER.  If I die anyway what does it matter and I do not want the funeral home person to have to gather them up for me!  I realize this sounds asssine to you all but well that's the way it is.

It is instilled in me from my Mama and my Mama Sue.  I have to have a bra.  Now sometimes I have pretty ones but most often its plain white an serviceable.  For my mother, always clean.  I swear if not she's be mortified.  If I had a car wreck today and I died my mother would not ask if I suffered. Nooooo she would say ... was her bra clean?  Tell me the truth was it bleached purely white?  I have to know.  That is exactly what she would say.  If she had to go home to get me one to take to the funeral home person she would wash it first I'm just sayin.

My good friend Lisa Landry, she has a good southern mama.  She says her mama practically rips her bra off her the minute she walks in the door to wash it.  Her mama always has a washer waiting with just the right amount of "whites" to start a load as soon as she gets to her mama and em's house.

Now my mam will say Denna kay my god your bra is gray when is the last time you washed it with bleach.  Don't matter she's getting my dirty clothes out of the bathroom after a shower and it don' matter a darn bit if i break out.  Its getting bleached!  God love her. 

Now i have a story that just happened last week with a client of my hubby.  Said client was a skinny girl due to a wee little drug use.  Well she's a sweet girl and turning it all around.  She is the same age as my "sparklie".  So i took her and got her hair did a few months ago to get her all spiffy for court.  (worked to I might add ) Of course now that she has been clean and off the "stuff " she's gained a little.  Well kinda a lot.  SO she had no clothes, so my friends who is the mama of said girls ( we will call her ummmmmmm sweetie ) boyfriend said "go to my closet and find her something to wear.  SO Roxie ( the mama) was out of town and i  commenced to digging in the closet.  Black pants, blue top perfect! So Sweetie goes in the bathroom and comes out looking like a sausage stuffed in the pants.  I said oh this will not do.  You Sweetie need a girdle.  Well being of a skinny body before she had never heard of a girdle.  SO i called Roxie and said ummmspanx. 

So we give Sweetie the Lycra.  She's in the bathroom and we are yelling instructions thru the door.  We would be Angie and me.  I dearly love Angie and we just usually have a big ol time talking about people at work.  Well we are yelling thru the bathroom door for her to pull and tug.  Well Sweetie emerges with some humidification on her upper lip and she's huffing and puffing and says " i can't breath in this".  Angie and me just laugh and say, "stand up straighter and take shallow  breaths you'll be ok."  See WIN WIN.  She looked skeptical.

It worked though she looked real nice.  She managed to get it back on later that day with little humidifying and man her posture sure was good.  See all southern girls know what girdles, spanks and all in ones are and we know to use them.  Nothing uglier than muffin top.  If those poor girls were taught to wear the pantie girdle there would be an end to muffin top!  I told Sweetie see you just maneuver your fat around to where it fits and all is smooth and you look so much better!

Braless really.  No one on earth wants to see the folks at wal mart braless.  On "National go BRALESS Day " where do you think said folks will head.  WAL MARTS! Heck half the Wal Mart population do not wear bras on a good day.  Can we stand National Braless Day.  Its kinda like when they burned their bras for women's lib.  Those southern ladies might have been burning but i can bet you they had one on and an old one with bad elastic to burn.  They in no way burned the good bra's.  They burned the ones that their mama's couldn't bleach anymore.  I PROMISE YOU!

So girls you can say you are going to attend "National Braless Day" but I know if you are from below Kentucky you will have on your bra.  Now some of us who stay home on July 6th cause we are on vacation might not wear a bra.  We might lounge in pj's or mu mu's all day but you can bet your cross your heart there will be a clean bra at the ready in case we have to go to the Wal-Marts!

Big Foot, UFO's and Other Odd Thinks Some Southerners believe to be True! (including me)

Southerners believe in some things that others find odd.  We or some of us believe in UFO's, Big Foot, and Ghost.  Now when I say Southerners, I'm speaking for myself and some others I know.  I'm sure there are a great deal many other'ns out there who believe in the same thing.  Those folks are just afraid to admit it.  They are afraid to admit it because some folks might call them a little crazy.  Now, we southerns don't hide our crazy notions.  Just like our crazy relatives.  We put it all out there.  Southerners are proud of their crazy relatives.  We love to sit around and tell our crazy relative stories. 

Now I will tell you a story.  This story was told to me by a not so crazy lady.  She was a very fine southern lady and I do mean lady.  She was not an "embelisher" nor a "make up a story to impress ya with kinda lady".  She will remain nameless but some of you who know me well will know this story.

In the summer of 1977, this lady had been out mowing her yard.  Well she had an accident and her foot went under the mower and cut her toe off.  Now I tell you this because it has impact on the story.  You see she was sleeping in the front bedroom of her house because her hubby tossed and turned and kept her awake worrying if he was going to hit her toeless foot or not.  So for recovery she was sleeping in the front of the house.  Now these folks lived on a pig farm in Sharon, Tennessee.  They lived out in the country just out of the city limits.  I spent way lots of time on this farm.

Well so here's the story.  Lady was sleeping one night in the front bedroom.  She woke up and noticed first that she didn't hear anything.  Well anyone who has ever lived on or near a pig farm, knows that the sows and feeders eat all night.  You leave the lights on so the feeders will just eat their way right to the slaughter house.  Well the drop feeders are metal and when they eat the covers "drop".  The drop feeders make a loud noise and this goes on all night.  Well lady noticed it was quiet.  Then she noticed that there was a light on outside.  She decided to get up and see who had left the sow barn light on cause it was shining in her window. 

Turns out it was no barn light.  When she looked out the window she said she "saw the brightest light she had ever seen.  Now this "bright light" was sitting just above the trees.  First she thought it was just a big bright moon.   Then she thought no, I've never seen anything like that.  She said " I thought hubbie will never ever believe this".  So she went to wake him up.  Hubbie got up and was skeptical.  Well he and lady went out on front porch and she said "this thing with a  bright light was hovering right there above the trees over the barn across the road from their house".  Now this said barn was about oh .... I don't know across the drive way but not really very far.  I used to play in that barn and lord you all know I wasn't walking far then either!  So they stood and watched it for a minute.  Well it didn't move it just "hovered" so they sat in the swing.  Well after about 10 minutes its started to move towards them.  Lady said she then told hubby " you can sit here and let them get you if you want I'm going in the house".  So she did.  Well I guess hubbie  didn't want to get "got" so he went in the house to.   She said they sat on the end of the bed and watched for a little while longer and then got tired and went back to bed. 

She was serious and never wavered from her story.  I believed her then and I believe her now.  I do remember my mama telling her ... omg lady they have pictures of you in your nightgown.  They used to laugh about that. 

Now we travel forward to about 3 weeks in the future.  If you all knew me you know I grew up on a horse.  Quite literally I rode everywhere.  I rode to Demetra Hankins everyday tied my horse to the front rail on her carport and she always had a Popsicle for me handy and I'd sit and play with Beth who was about 2 and fold all Demetra's washcloths if she had laundry on the line.  Well this day I rode up and Demetra said don't go no further down this road.  You cut across Tommy Jones field and get home before dark there have been some strange things going on.  Well I didn't know what she was talking about but she never told me to do anything in her scary voice so i got Misty ( my horse ) and I went home!

Well about 2 nights later, my mama and daddy were outside late.  I say late it was after dark and to a kid that's LATE.  Well my daddy came in the house and got a gun ( like you can reach a UFO with a gun) but my daddy never got a gun out unless he was gonna go hunting or the one time my mama was gonna shoot my uncle.  She didn't and he's fine.  Well he and my mama were out side with Char and Ken Darling, and then Mr. Jerry Swinney drove up.  Seems there was something in the sky hovering right at the tree line.  It would hover there and then shoot across the field to the other tree line and then hover there.  SO my daddy went over to Ed Hawks house behind the tree line and you couldnt' see it from there.  So Ed came over and then several other friends and pretty soon we had a UFO watching party.  SO my daddy saddled his horse and Ed called the sheriff.  ( not sure what the police were supposed to do about it) The police said they had nothing in the air in the area.  Well that was not surprising because well they probably had nothing to put in the air.  Its a small county.  I remember my daddy saddling his horse and riding toward that thing.  Well as he got closer and closer it finally just went away real fast.  Now, I can't say it flew away or zipped away because it was just simply gone.  I remember sleeping with my daddy that night and I kinda scared from then on.  Not as scared as one of my uncles.  BILLY, I had to walk him to the barn if it was dark.  He said just to keep him company but he was scared. 

So many many years passed and I was at my mom and dad's in Palmersville Tennessee one night. I had been living in Texas about 5 years and had heard all about the Marfa lights.  I have not seen them but I want to and I'll get there, I will.   Well my dad was out in the back yard and he came in for his telescope.  Yes, folks Dennis Branson has a telescope and a big one with mirrors and such.  He set it up and came to the door, and I hear.  DENNA COME HERE.  So I went.  He pointed out a glow in the sky.  I could see it and it was not a star.  It was big.  Well it kept moving back and forth over the Coley Gullies.  We watched that for at least 20 minutes.  Daddy said he had now seen it twice and had seen something 2 other times over the back pasture. 

I got home to Texas and looked it up. Turns out there had been 200 UFO sitings in Palmersville, Tennessee over an 8 month period and there were 162 reported sitings that were found to be explainable but not the others.  So folks .. watch the sky there could be something there!  If I get to Marfa Texas I'll get a picture for you.

Bigfoot, yes I think there is something in the woods.  Don't know what but there could be.  How do we know we are not there all the time.  Now my daddy used to hunt all the time.  He was a coon hunter.  He used to hunt the bottoms of between Sidonia, Sharon, Greenfield and Kenton.  He was hunting one night with some other folks and they were deep in the bottom on Ethergies Levey.  Well they heard something and it seemed to be following them.  They would cross the swampy bottoms and this thing would follow.  Daddy said he could never get its eyes to "shine".  So they were kind of spooked and left and folks my daddy isn't scared of the devil himself.  Well the next night they went back.  Sure enough they got to the same area and something "picked them up".  Daddy said the dogs started to whine and cry and would not run a coon trail.  The dogs stayed right with them.   My daddy said his blue tick hound aka ole blue.  Was shaking and stayed right with them.  Duke ran straight back to the truck.  Well whatever it was followed them all the way to the bridge.  Daddy said he talked to a lady who lived right on the tree line of that bottom and she said she never hung her clothes out to dry anymore because she always felt like something was watching her. 

There were several more story's like this from Beech Ridge.  Daddy said he used to find the oddest things on Beech Ridge and sometimes the dogs would not hunt on Beech Ridge and would run back to the truck like something was chasing them.  I remember going down there one Sunday afternoon during the day and daddy tromped all over beech ridge.  I remember asking what we were looking for and Daddy saying he didn't know and didn't know if he wanted to find it.  I'm not saying it was a big foot but there was something in that bottom.

Now for Ghost ... oh yeah I believe.  I really do.  Now I know there are things we can't explain.  What fun would life be if  we could explain everything.  We all like to embellish and these stories I have told you are true. I'll use a line from my daddy.  "if i'm lyin i'm dyin" 

Now there is this TV show about finding big foot.  Now this show is entertaining and I like to watch it when I get the remote.  This is not often folks.  Well the one thing about this show is "bubba" never really finds anything but some deer in the woods with broken legs.  We I know there are deer in the woods and I'm sure its not too hard to break a leg.  They never find anything.  I have researched and in 1980 a guy found some "droppings".  Now how did he know these droppings were odd.  I have no idea.  I don't go lookin for droppings.  I do know that they sent those off for DNA testing and it came back as no match to anything documented.  Now in Florida they call it the swamp ape.  In Louisiana its the Stink ape.  In the pacific northwest they call it big foot or Yeti.  There are many folks that believe in something and there is a Big Foot town in East Texas.  All I know if someone finds one, I will be the first one standing in line to see the thing.  I don't care how far I have to drive.  Just ask Kim Swank I have driven several hours to find a house and take pictures of it.  I have waited on back roads to take pictures of dead cows in yards and dragged my fat ass through brush just to get incriminating pictures that would never be used in a court of law.  Fact is I love to watch stuff.  I love to find things and then laugh at how it would have been if we had gotten caught right in that parade traffic in Eustace Texas taking pictures of that nasty house by those crazy folks who probably had a dern gun ... right KIM!  Hey Kim I still have those darn pictures!

Oh yes I have stood out and gazed at the heavens, not in search of a higher being but for a Being of a different world.  I think they are there why not.   Just like everyone else I have lots of questions for God when I get there and you can bet your sweet butt the first one is going to be, God what was that hovering thing and is there really life on other planets and to they come to visit? The second one is going to be God is Big Foot real?  Now I'm sure God will roll his eyes at me and pat me on the back.  Then I will know for sure.  :) 

Hope you like my story and if you think I'm just a crazy southerner?  Well you could be right or maybe just maybe I'm right.

D