Parenting the Redneck Hillbilly way.

It came to my attention the other day that no one on earth parents like Hillbilly's/rednecks do.  Now yes I'm calling myself a Hillbilly/Redneck parental stalker.  That is what I am.  I am Proud of it.  I was telling my daddy the other day about and incident that had happened to his "grandson" at day school.  He said " did they whip is ass".  I said no daddy they can't do that at school.  HE launched into that's whats wrong with the world today.  They can't whip their asses.  I just kinda roll my eyes but then I think ummmmm well I did learn my parenting skills from him.

There was this one time I was in the Wal-Mart.  My sweet baby boy was running amok, he was screaming and having a fit over candy at the check out.  Now I told him no.  I know that there was really not a reason to tell him no.  It was a 70 cent piece of candy but I did tell him no.  Now "No" is a word he does not hear very often.  On this day I had told him NO!  Well he kept on, then he had a melting screaming fit.  So I warned him.  "Sweet baby boy I said no, if you don't stop I'm going to whip you."  Well you know, he just kept on.  I don't think he believed me.  We were in the Wal - mart and he knows I won't spank him in front of people.  WRONG!  I jerked him up and whipped his butt right there in line.  Guess what, he straightened up.  There was this lady behind me, and she stuck her nose in the air and told me I should be ashamed.  Now I know my head spun around like Beetle Juice and I said " I can whip your ass too".  She said well its barbaric and doesn't help anything.  I said "really cause it made me feel better and hitting you will make me feel GREAT".  She grabbed her buggy ( yes Texans BUGGY not CART) and man she was off.   Sweet baby boy had forgotten whatever he wanted and was now happy as a lark but I was MADD.   How dare that person tell me what to do with my child. 

I head to my car and there she was.  She was getting my plate number.  I said to her ... go ahead call the police ask for Mike or Tiffany as they know me.  I told her my name and say OH yeah call CPS to as I passed the home study to adopt him.  Now, by this time her mouth was wide open and she just turned around and walked off.  That my friend is Redneck/ hillbilly parenting at its best.

I witnessed a profound event this week.  It was pure Redneck Texas parenting at its best!  I was at work and a co-worker came in from picking up her kiddo.   Now little darlin has been a trial for her lately as she is going to thru a divorce and he's going thru that divorce too.  I kinda feel sorry for them as I remember what that is like.  Daddy is wonderful cause he has nothing to do all day but tell mommy her parenting skills  are all wrong and that the kids are fine.  I really just wanna go bust this guy myself but I have no idea where he lives.  So she's getting out of the car.  This sweet darlin is doing anything he can think of to annoy her at this point.  She stops outside the door to ask a question.  He's looking at the ground ignoring her. This is what sweet darlins do they avoid avoid.  When they know they are in TROUBLE they avoid.  Well Mama leans down and lifts sweet darlins face to her's and I hear this. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG not Oh My GOD but OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ----- MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM---- GGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!  Now I didn't even look to see what was wrong as I was too busy laughing my ass off at the OMG thing.  Seems her brain went so mushy that she couldn't even speak she reverted right in to TEXT! 

Well sweet darlin had cut his hair.  Now I don't mean a little snip snip.  I swear given 5 more second and he would have carved initials in to that strip of missing hair.  It was GONE!   Now I'm kinda feelin sorry for her at this point but its so darn funny I'm laughing.  Well I hear this kid screaming I mean knuckle melting someone is dying scream.  I look out on the porch and there was the perfect redneck discipline.  She was shaving his head!  He was screaming like she was killin him.   I looked at another co worker and I was like man he's screaming.  Those are just clippers.  Seems those were dull clippers!  Now you've seen children go round and round getting a spanking but this one was round and round getting a clipping!  I laughed and laughed.  I said to the mama... ummmm did I miss that article on dicipline in "Parenting" magazine.  She said no it was in REDNECK PARENTING!  LOVE IT!

You see that is what my parents did.  Oh I got a whoopin thats for sure but I got lots of redneck/hillbilly parenting too.  Like the time I thought it would be good to skip school.  It was nice.  I got lots of alone, one on one time, with my daddy.  Everyday he took me to school and dropped me right off there in front of the building.  Problem was, did we go in his normal truck?  NOOOOOOOOOOO we went in the 74 ford that was blue, green and "rust".  He put the green sideboards on especially for me I'm sure!  It was great.  I remember asking him, can't you drop me off in back and him saying " nope front is good".  Mortified I would make the walk of shame.  Didn't skip school anymore though.

There were way more times of this type of parenting.  I used to ride my horse all the time.  The rule was I had to be home by dark.  Well you guessed right, i was out after dark.  I was coming down a dark lonely road wayyyyyy out in between Gleason and Greenfield.  I wasn't scared of the dark but I was hurting.  My horse had thrown me and I think my elbow was broken.   Of course I had made the decision to ride home, we didn't have cell phones.  Now my daddy was an ask questions later kinda daddy.  So I see headlights coming my way.  Truck slows down.  Its my daddy, now I was kinda hurting so I was glad to see him.  I thought he would listen to me and let me drive home and him take my horse.  NOPE, all I heard was "where you been"  and "your late".  Then I heard "I'll be waiting when you get home".  Well hell.  I'm sure that's what I thought.  So I made it home.  My horse was hot and tired.  I pulled off the saddle with daddy sitting there not helping me.  I was going to put her out and go to the house.  He said not so fast.  I said Daddy my arm is hurting I think its broken.  He said well your horse is hungry.  So to feed her rub her down and hobble to the house.  Then he YES grounded me.  I think I finally talked them into taking me to the doctor about 3 days later.  Guess what BROKEN ELBOW! 

Me and "turd"

There as another time when my sister "the turd" and I were in the back seat.  We were on vacation! Now, really we were going to east Tennessee to see family but anytime we saw more than 2 lanes Hell we were on vacation!  Well we got to Nashville Tennessee and we were fighting.  We were fighting because she was a "turd".  She was a "turd" til she turned about 16 then I liked her OK.  SO we were fighting and daddy was tired of hearing it.  SO he turns around and says " one more word out of that back seat and I'm going to stop this car and whip yalls ass".   I believed him!  So we began to fight silently! then she sat on my finger OMG thought i was gonna die.  Something was wrong this hurt.  DID I OPEN MY MOUTH, NOPE!  So we fell asleep I guess.  The next day we were walking and we went to cross the street and my daddy grabbed my hand and I yelled.  He looked down at my hand and said what happened to your fingers.  I said Stacey sat on them.  He said why didn't you say something.  I said " cause you were gonna whip my ass".  LOL well you guessed it folks BROKEN FINGERS!

You know I'm a pedi nurse these days and I don't remember really going to the doctor for much.  Now these mamas  bring their precious darlins in for everything.  Me nope, I'm like my mama.  I'm a redneck / hillbilly mama ... i ask are you bleeding, and then i determine if its enough to warrant a hospital or doctor visit.  Usually they would need to lose a few pints to make that happen.  Poor Miss Priss and Sweet Boy never get to go to the doctor really.  That's a good thing I guess. 

making Miss Priss Paint on the ladder! I'm afraid of heights.
Child labor at its best!

So in my opinion we need to give redneck parenting tips.  You are allowed to whip your child's butt in wal- mart or any other place you need too.  I will hug them and love them and kiss them.  I will spank if I need to.  For all those people who say "does that make you feel better or him mind"?  I say well I'm not sure if it teachs him anything but wooooooooooooo I sure do feel better!  I was a nurse at a high school and I will tell you one thing.  Half of the kids at that school would never have made it one minute in my house.  Boy Howdy, they would have needed all that school at risk counseling everyday.

 

Jackson Branson Pruett!

Jack!

Jack Pruett

Jackson Branson Pruett! Jack Pruett is our baby.  I know I know we are too old to have a baby.  Well he's 5 and growin up fast.  DH and I decided to adopt and we picked out Jack because he was the most handsome one!  That is what he will tell you anyway.  This while in truth is a stretch.  Bless him, he was red and had red hair and a bad attitude.  He was a screamer!  We rolled him out of that hospital and we were in love.  We got him home and wow! He got real quiet.  He was a meth addicted baby you see.  We knew what to expect.  I was armed with Rob.  My closest buddy and he was a pediatrician so we were ok, Right!

Well sorta, Well we had this most wonderful little boy who looked kinda like Red Skelton.  I'm serious you crunch is face up just right and it was Red.  So he had a hard start but he's great now.  We waited awhile to adopt him as his bio mom passed away and meth head sperm donor thought he would take him. Umm not so fast buster!  So we did all the legal jargon and well here we are.

Adoption day! (left to Right back to front Robert Coles, Grandpa Charles Pruett, MOM, Dad, Earl Pruett,  front left to right Jacks Lawyer Max Brewington, Judge Katterton, Jack, Mary Hannah, Debbie Pruett, Sharon Pruett, Tracey Pruett holding Maddie Pruett, Sherry Smith, and in front Taylor Pruett.





Summer Fun!

Sweet Sister In Law #1 and myself to the Rescue! In Virgina?

Sweet Sister in Law #1 and I tend to travel in a pair.  So one day a week before Thanksgiving 2009,  Just Like My Own called.  Turns out she was sick.  Yep! Had the Piggy flu, and on top of that was reallllllllllly preggers!  So I called her everyday for 3 days.  Every day for 3 days she would whine and cry.  I was worried to say the least.  The CDC after all was telling us if we got it we were gonna DIE!  She was preggers on top of all that.  So after talking to her one Tuesday.  I said "someone needs to go and see about Just Like My Own.  She was in the Navy and all alone.  Well except for baby daddy and well you know.  To this point I wasn't real fond of baby daddy.  Well I tell DH if no one else is going, I'm going.  So I had DH call Older Blondie the bio egg donor of this Just Like my Own.  Well of course she just could not go.  ( shocker )  So what now.  I CALL SWEET SISTER IN LAW #1.  I say " can you get off work the rest of the week.  Well sweet sister in law said let me call my principal.   I said OK I'll do the same.  ( we both worked for the school system just different ones )  So we made the calls and got the go ahead!  So we made our plan.  ( after I called my daddy to tell me how to freakin get to Virgina )
This was gonna be a whirlwind trip.  So we decide to leave at 11 am the next morning as Sweet Sister in Law #1 had lesson plans to attend to for her sub.

Tomorrow arrives, I'm packed and ready.  Since this whole piggin thing I can be packed and gone at a moments notice.  We borrow Handy Dandy Brother in law's car.  It gets much better gas mileage than my SUV and lets face it Christmas was coming on.  Now we had decided to take the southern route.  OMG its 26 hours from my house to Virgina.  There is no good way to get to Virgina from my house I would learn.  Sunny and nice in Texas we left in shorts and a t-shirt.  ( not smart )  Everything is rolling along fine and we hear about a hurricane out in the ocean somewhere over in the east.  It does not dawn on us that this could affect us.  We called Just Like my Own and said we are on our way.  I had sent Miss Priss off with friends to go piggin.  So I was worried about Just Like my Own and Miss Priss all at the same time.

Well we drive and we drive and we drive.  Woooooooo its getting to be a long drive.  Now as with all trips of any nature, Sweet Sister in law#1 and I pick a song we like and we sing.  Then we channel surf til we find it again and sing some more.  Well it gets late and we stop somewhere in Louisiana for food.  It seems to be getting a little chilly but not to bad so we remain in our shorts.  Now you have to realize we are driving and not stopping alot.  DH calls and says " I really wish you would stop and sleep".  You know I say "oh we will".  Then my daddy calls and says " you really need to stop and sleep".  I say " oh we will".  I look at Sweet Sister in Law and we laugh.  Forrrrrrrget about itttttttttt we are women hear us roar, the cub is in trouble.  In other words HELL NO we ain't stopping!  So we drive and we get to Ft. Payne, Alabama and over the radio we hear the words ROCK SLIDE.  UGH O k problema!  So we decide after listening the road will be passable. 

So by this time its cold outside and I mean Baby its cold.  So we decide to stop in Ft. Payne, Alabama and change clothes and get a drink and check the rock slide situation.  It must be safe after all that country group Alabama lives here.  We are quite sure cause all we have heard for the last 100 miles is Christmas in Dixie and Dixieland Delight!  Yes we have been singing and Yes we have it memorized!
So we pull in to the quickie mart.  We get in the trunk and grab some sweats.  In we go.  Now I did not notice when we went in really if there was a cashier or not.  Now its about 3am.  So we head to the bathroom to tinkle and change our clothes.  We were in there a good while.  We come out and I get the required Monster Mocha for us and Sweet Sister in law is trying to decide sweet or salty.  Then it dawns on me.  Kinda dark in here.  We look around.   " Ummmm Sweet sister in law#1 I say, "I don't think there is anyone at home here at the quickie mart in Ft. Payne, Alabama!  So we run to the car.  Now, we get down the road and stop laughing and I think you know Sweet sister in law #1, what if that clerk was hurt or worse DEAD! I had all kinds a things runnin through my mind.  We decided someone just forgot to lock up.  I said well if not and theres something odd going on they are going to see 2 fluffy girls go in the bathroom in shorts and come out in sweats laughing.   I bet they will wonder WHAT THE HELL!

So here we go onward toward Chattanooga.  Well you know who is driving and its cold and dark and I need to stay awake. OMG what do I find in Handy Dandy brother in laws car? A Statler Brothers Greatest Hits! HEAVEN!  So here we go out into the dark night toward a rock slide just a singing.  There was gospel which we sung louder and all kinds of good Statler Music.  I think we were delirious.  We kept playing that C.D. all the way to Chattanooga.  Well we get to Chattanooga and what do we hear when we switch the radio.  ( we had wondered where all the emergency vehicles we met had gone ) Well now we are informed about 10 minutes as we passed through POO DUNK across the state line Tennessee.  ROCK SLIDE! Road closed behind us won't be open for months.  We are not worried that just means we will have to go back 40 through Tennessee and yes stop and see my mama and them! There ya go problem solved!  So we trudge onward!  OH NO! we hit Oneida and we see a flashing light ROCK SLIDE! Interstate Closed.  Now not being familiar with this stretch of road cause my family all live in Kingston/Harriman area I have no idea how to get around this.  Its too late to call my daddy. So we just keep driving.  A Ford Taurus can climb right.  Well GOOD NEWS, we hit that slide and detoured right around it.  Yep dark mountain road, two fluffy girls singing with the Statlers! Girls rule, its smooth sailing now.

So we are driving and driving with potty stops here and there.  Virgina is really pretty but not lots of premium potty stops!  Virgina folks aren't friendly either.  I decided they are kinda like Yankees only south of the Mason Dixon.  So we flip off the Statlers and there is ONE count it ONE radio station!  We get some news though.  We are headed right for a Hurricane! YEP Hurricane! only us.  So DH calls and says Honey, now don't panic ( I never panic so not sure what his issue was ) "there is a Hurricane and you are headed right toward it".  Seems we were headed to Norfolk, Virgina and what the hell so was the hurricane!  So we keep driving we are to silly stupid now and we just laugh and laugh we are headed to a hurricane, we discuss what we should do.  Well it is us Sweet Sister in Law and I just laugh and say ON WARD!  Now its raining! I mean really raining.  The hurricane has not arrived yet and its like raining like I have never seen rain!  We get to Richmond, and I call Just Like my Own.  She says ummmm you theres a hurricane coming.  I was like YEP and your aunt and I decided COOL WE NEVER SAW A HURRICANE! Yes, folks we were about too. The Texan and Displaced Tennessean were headed into it.

Well the hurricane decided to make its arrival just as we get into Norfolk!  What do we do?  What any other person with a sick cub would do.  We stop and get her some Kentucky Fried Chicken!  Now that bucket was hard to hold on to in that wind!  We go to Just Like my Owns house and omg we had driven silly all the way to Virgina and baby daddy mama was there!  I was like well HELL! I drove all this way and thought you were alone and dying and you have babydaddymama here! I said it just like that, all one word.  GET THIS! Just Like my Own said, "But I was Lonely!"  So I have left someone dead at a quikie mart, memorized the Statlers, managed to avoid not one but 2 rock slides in a ford Taurus and driven into a hurricane to bring you Kentucky Fried Chicken and YOU ARE LONELY!  I'm going to the hotel.  So Sweet Sister in Law and I head to the hotel!  Said Hotel had no electricity and the hurricane was just about here.  We requested a high floor so our undies and such would not get wet.  The lady at the front desk says, I have the reservation but we can't let you in as there is a hurricane A COMING!  Well now I just about lose it, I've been up ohhhhhhhh about 30 hours, memorized the STatlers and gotten the chicken! I need a room!  She says but there is no Electricity.  I say I DON'T care, all I'm going to do is sleep anyway!  So she says OK.  We head to our room!  Now the wind is blowing and I dont' mean a breeze, its a hurricane after all.  OMG! I look at Sweet Sister in Law #1 and we count our Virgina Slims.  There is no way we have enough Virgina Slims to get us through a hurricane!  So what do I do, you guessed it.  I throw my fluffy body against the wind and make it to the Taurus.  I get there and I'm soaked. Just getting in the car seat got soaked.  So I go to the nearest 7-11 and get Virgina Slims, plenty of Virgina Slims!  Back to the hotel I go.  My previous parking space is now under water and its rising.  I think Handy Dandy Brother in law is going to kill me if his Taurus floats away! So I park on high ground and walk.  Now I'm soaked and it dawns on me I forgot the coke Zero and the Sunkist! Guess what folks................ back to the 7 - 11.

I finally get back and we stand on the balcony with the slims and the drinks and we watch the hurricane.  It was really pretty and good thing I parked on high ground or the Taurus would have floated back to Richmond!  Well we take a little nap.  Yes, I sleep well when it rains.  I love storms so no problem.

We wake up and its dawns on us.  We are hungry.  He have to eat right! It takes calories to maintain this body.  So head back to the Taurus.  Now, people were kinda looking at us like we were off our rocker!  No, we were hungry.  So we pick up Just Like my Own and babydaddy.  The only thing open was IHOP!  Now this is where it got murky.  I needed to feed Just Like my Own in the middle of a hurricane cause she was preggers and needed to eat as she's too skinny anyway!  Well we order.  BABYDADDY did not order as he refused to let me buy breakfast.  Now I'll tell you I was pissed.  You do not tell a southern mama you can't eat cause you forgot your wallet.  I do tell you I wanted to slap his Yankee Ohio head clean off.  I did I really did.  Sweet Sister in Law #1 told me to be nice.  I can not be nice.  If you know me you know that.  Now babydaddy picks this time to ask me if I like him.  Well you know, if you can't say something nice come sit by me.  So I answered him NOPE! He kinda looked stunned.  So we ate our meal and took Just Like my Own home in the hurricane.  Then we went to the hotel and guess what Virgina Electric had mercy on us and the lights were on.  We could watch T.V.  We purely happy.

Well happiness did not last long.  I said Sweet Sister in Law #1 lets go to the coast.  I'd never seen waves that big you see and the lady on the weather channel was saying they were BIG!  So he hop in the Taurus and off we go! now half the tunnel was under water but we made it!  We stood on the beach holding on to each other trying to smoke a slim but the wind was too bad!  So we just stood there and it was AWESOME!  We lasted about 5 minutes as it was cold as HELL!

Back to the hotel we went.  We rested and then took Just Like my Own shopping because it was 32 darn degrees out and she was... yes she was ... wearing flip flops.  SO we shopped and she spread the pig flu.  Well I decided I wanted to see the sites.  I'm here might as well right.  So we dragged Pig flu pregger girl and babydaddy out to see the sites! I had fun not real sure she did!  I bought her Olive Garden to shut her whiney butt up. 

We stayed a few days to make sure she wasn't going to have a baby with piggy flu and then left and headed out to my mama and ems'.  It was a longgggggg trip but we made it back in time for Turkey.  Now the crappy part of this is that Older Blondie got right on a plane a few weeks later and went Virgina to see that baby born.  That ladies is just my luck.  I go and take care of her and Older Blondie gets to go have fun and play story of my life.  I do the hard stuff and Older Blondie gets to play.  Irks me sometimes but then I think... Just Like My Own knows who she can count on!  Me the Step Monster and her aunt, Sweet Sister in Law #1. 

So its Thanksgiving and I tell stories on everyone else! My first Thanksgiving in Texas!

It's Thanksgiving time and it was my first Thanksgiving in Texas.  I had been here a grand total of 5 months.  Things were shaping up to be odd.  I could not get used to this.  Everything was so different.  Now we were going to my someday to be in-laws house.  Now in Tennessee we had Thanksgiving of course.  It was all family and very yummy and my mama cooked all of it and if you went in the kitchen she would yell at you to GET OUT OF THE WAY!  So me not being a cook is all her fault. 

So Bill takes off the day before Thanksgiving to cook?   I was like really what ya cooking.  He said well I take apple pies and anything else I want.  Hmmmm I think and your mama lets you do this?  That's weird.  How is she going to complain that everyone looks nicer than she does cause she's been slaving away all day and night to get the family the perfect Thanksgiving meal all the while no one appreciates it?  I didn't understand.

I think well, I can do this.  So I called my Mama Sue and got the recipe for my Mama Mary's candy cane cake.  I know she served it at Christmas but I love those and I can make it if I want too.  So I go over to the "Kroger" and get all my stuff.  The first cake didn't turn out?  So I make another pretty soon its midnight and I have used all the eggs.  I need 2 more eggs I'm in a panic.  Now Bill Baby was cooking away with my Damn eggs.  I said OMG I needed those for this here 4th cake i need to get it right.  He said no worries.  NO WORRIES, WHAT THE HELL! I need eggs, where will I get eggs.  He said no big deal Denna I'll go to the "Kroger".  Kroger are you HIGH its closed its midnight.  He looks at me amazed and confused and said ummm no its open 24 hours.  24 hours why had no one told me this.  How did I not know this.  Now if you know me, you know I don't sleep much.  I could have gotten up all those nights and gone to the Kroger!  This Kroger was like nothing I had ever seen in Sharon Tennessee.  It had a dry cleaners, a bank, a liquor store, restaurant, and a bill pay center all right there inside.  Imagine and all open 24 hours.  OMG what to do, call my sister.  Stacey like me was equally amazed and Bill was laughing at us. 

So he goes to get my eggs.   I'm baking this cake that is turning out to be a pain in my rear.  I can't believe Mama Mary made this every year.  So with the Kroger open I went to action.  I baked a candy cane cake, coconut cake, and made yes a turkey.  Turkey was for me cause I do love leftover turkey.  So we get up on Thanksgiving day and Miss Priss and I sit down to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade!  Bill comes in after packing the bounty of our kitchen and says what are you doing.  We look at him and say watching the parade.  Oh noooooooooooooo seems Texans don't watch the parade.  Nooooooooooooo they get all dressed fast because the Cowboys are playing and we have to eat really fast. If the Cowboys play at 12 we eat at 3 if the Cowboys play at 3 we eat at 12 seems this year it was 3.  So me and Miss Priss not understanding.  You see we don't plan our turkey around football in Tennessee.  So me and Miss Priss grumble and get up to shower and get dressed.  We had new Thanksgiving clothes.  We come out looking all pretty and Bill says oh no no no.... you have to wear sweats! huh I say.  Yes something with expandable waist! OK, he's lost is everlovin mind.  I made him get dressed up, he grumbled.

So we pack up and drive out to my wondermus mother in laws.  Now Sweet sister in law #1 and her family.  Sweats! 2nd sweet sister in law #2's family all dressed up looking nice. Miss priss and I are OK. Whew! I thought I was way out of dress code.  So we haul in our bounty and I'm wondering if I can sneaky switch that T.v. to Macy's.  Didn't happen. Pregame was on! ( now days me and miss priss wear SWEATS!)

Cowboy game is at 3 so we have to eat and fast!  My wondermus mother in law put out a huge array of food.  There were people there I had no idea who they were.  I was introduced but I don't think they were relatives.  I was introduced to someone named Uncle Linda.  That was odd.  Odd is OK my mama, every year stops up the thingy in the sink with potato peels and my daddy throws a cussin fit and well that's just how it goes at my house.  This was very, well non cussin or anyone saying "hey watch this".   Now they are just as intricate as my family just in a different way.  So Miss Priss and I start scooping up the food.  Ummmm  I look at Miss Priss as we have gotten a place at the children's table.  I didn't realize other familys don't have to be 104 to sit at the adult table.  So I was waved over to the adult table.  Miss Priss looked at me in pure de panic.  So I decide no I'd better stay at the children's table.  We start to eat and I take a big old bite of dressing.  Ok people theres sugar in the dressing.  Bill theres sugar in the dressing.  He said yeah from the corn bread.  What the hell is up with you people and sugar in the corn bread that goes in the dressing.  I'm confused, dazed even.  There is no green bean casserole, no sweet potatoes all mushed up with marshmallows and OMG there is sugar in the dressing!  Desserts I'll go for the desserts, no lemon icebox pie! OMG I'm in HeLL!

So me and Miss Priss eat some celery with some cheese in it.  There was some odd looking celery with peanut butter, so we stuck to the cheese.  We watched the cowboy game and well laid around then we left and went to Jack in the box.  Needless to say I've gotten used to Thanksgiving in Texas.  I love my family, and oh what time are we eating this year?  I need to look up the Cowboy game!

The one thing I did do was pilfer an invitation to my 2nd Sweet Sister in laws mama's house cause she whispered, I'll get you some dressing from my mom no sugar! LOL So I did go and eat Thanksgiving supper at Miss Jackies house and had the dressing with no sugar.  You know what,now my wondermus mama in law makes me dressing with no sugar!  I have learned to make icebox pies so we have those too. I still just avoid the peanut butter stuffed celery!

Just Like My Own! Picking up a teenager early!

DH and I met when I was 29 and he was well older than me.  I had one wonderful little girl child.  My Miss Priss was kinda quiet and never really got in trouble.  How could she.  She was only 7.   Now DH/ aka sparklie not so new boyfriend had to teenagers.  We have discussed them in previous blogs.  He had "Tense" and "Just like my Own".  Now I dearly love Just Like my Own but boy did she have her moments.  Tense was well she was just Tense and I didn't see her much.  Just Like my Own was a conniving turd and I loved her.   She was into stuff.  Now like the time DUH ex wife let her go out repossessing cars with a dear friends mother.  Now I was appalled.  I know I know I'm from Tennessee and we do things a little different there.  Really though it never occurred to me to send Miss Priss out repo'ing cars with a "friend".  Now here in Texas you repo someones stuff they can shoot you.  Guess that never occurred to DUH EX wife. 

So Just like my Own calls me and she's kinda scared.  You see she's never repossessed  cars before.  So I tell her daddy " well I'll just go and get her".  He informs me I can't do that as it is DUH EX wife's weekend.  ( I have to think of a better name for DUH EX wife ) Now I'm not into all that court crap!  If I were in Weakley County I'd just call my brother in law, Mr. Max or heck at that time I'd have called Big Roy and I'd have launched right over and gotten Just Like My Own.  Lord we were in Texas and evidently everyone has to follow rules here.  Even me.  I don't like this.  So I rant and rave about babies repo'ing cars and complain out Older Blondie ( that's what we will call DUH ex wife ).  Well I call everyone Sweet sister in law #1 who agrees with me yep Older Blondie is nuts.  I call 2nd Sweet Sister in law #2 ( she's the calm one ) and she says yep I believe that she's nuts.   So I did get them to agree that older Blondie is insane but what do we do.  Everyone just shrugs their shoulders and scratches their heads.  Well I know what I'm going to do.  I'm going to get her!  

So I have no idea and don't remember the exactly seconds leading up to it.  I did go get Just Like my Own though.  I picked her little reposessing self right up. I proceeded to tell her that it was dangerous and omg does your mama know where you were.  She said Older Blondie did know.  This was the first of many parenting eye rolls Just Like my Own would get. 

So later on after repoing cars and such Just Like my own came to live with me, DH and Miss Priss.  I'm still amazed that Just Like my Own and Miss Priss didn't kill each other but it was kinda peaceful.  Now they refer to themselves as sisters.  SO all in all I think that was  a good result. 

Just like My Own was a trial.  I kept telling her.  Why do you try this crap.  I already thought about it and did it.  So you are gonna get caught.  Unlike Older Blonder, I was not dating. I was shackin up and had nothing to do but watcher her and think of ways to beat her at her game.  It was a challenge and I was up for it.

So one night she called, I'm going so and so and we are then going to do and do.  I said ok see ya at 11 30.  So I knew she was up to something.  Just the tone in her little squeaky voice said up to something! up to something!  Oh mighty lord how she was.  So DH thinks all is rolling along fine.  So here and about 10:30 I say to DH.  Honeyyyyyy sweetiee sugar lump.  ( i really didn't I could have said something like get your ass up we have to look for Just like my Own, she's up to no good )  I'm sure he said Yes dear?  I say " we need to go wait at the friend we don't likes house"  he said she said she is spending the night.  I said Yep that's what she said, she's up to something.  He said how do you know.  I just smiled and put on my fancy Cotton Jammie's for the trip.  I said "OK you can stay here but I'm going".  So off we go just a few blocks in my fancy Sunday night Cotton Jammie's to the friend who is a pain in the butts house.  OOOOOOOOOOo and its a nice one.  Screens hanging off the windows, 1978 camero on blocks, trash in the yard kinda place.  Where you know that if there is a mama she is in there drinking Bud and reading True Story and don't even care that Just Like my Own and her trashy gothy kid are out and up to no good.

DH said so what would you like to do.   Well me being the teen girl doin what you are not supposed to girl said ... "pull back two driveways and cut the lights"!  DH say, " we will be here for ever she's not supposed to be in til 11:30".  I roll my eyes ... geez he's a dumb daddy.  I say "she will be home just a little early.  Oh say about 11:10 or 11:15 ish.   Sure enough 11:15ish ... we see what rollin up.  mmmmmmmmm hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm sports car!  Kids in it.  One GROWN ASS MAN and two teen girls.  THey were all giggling.  Not for long.  I start to tell DH to pull up to the bumper and hit the lights.  Before I could do this he had turned red and fire and kicked into DADDY! woooooooooo he was mad.  Now when I'm the only one with sense its a bad thing.

So Just Like My Own gets out of the car and says "Hey"!  I said "Hey, Get int he damn car".  Trashy girlfriend was running to the house to get her mama with the Bud and True Story.   Now as I am getting Just Like my Own in to the car.  ( see cotton Jammie's fat girl reference it. My picture will be there lol ) I turn around and it seems GROWN MAN had forgotten to put the car in Park.  DH had him by the collar and was dragging him out of the window of said sports car and the car was rolling because DH had pulled Grown Man out far enough he could not hit the brake.  OH LORD! this is going to take an intervention.  So I go over in my cotton Jammie's and I tell DH don't kill him you will go to jail.  Meanwhile DH is saying to this guy I'm her Dad and I'm going to prosecute you! Do you know what I do! for a living! and you are an adult do you know she is 15 do you do you, now this guy did not know what to do.  He was turning red,  car was rolling, Just Like my Own was crying and I was standing there in my jammies trying not to let DH kill GROWN MAN.  So I spring into action and tell DH calm down before you have a stroke and I never get to spend any of that money I'm thinking you could make someday.  He did stand back.

So Grown Man and I had a little talk.  Just a short one.  I let him in on some Hillbilly nature and advice.  I get Grown Man to step out of the car!  We stand there to have a civilized conversation.  Me in my jammies and all.  I say 'Grown Man, daddy there is my DH and he is a lawyer and he's going to get you thrown in jail.  Now me on the other hand I'm  not a lawyer.  I'm a mama!  That sweet baby with the goth clothes and the dark hair and black fingernails and white lipstick.  Well she is my precious Just Like my Own.  If you ever call my house, drive by my house, look at my house If you so much as send an airmail message to Just Like my Own, now I'm gonna cut your penis off.  Do you understand honey?  Daddy/Lawyer put you in jail.  Redneck/displaced/hillbilly mama will cut off your penis.  I have no idea if he believed me or not as I was very calm and folks I'm not usually calm.  He just looked at me with my fancy Sunday jammies and said "yes yes mam".  Here is where I had to say now don't mam me Grown Man I'm only about 5 years older than you.  He didn't say anything, I think he was stunned I had held up so well or maybe it was the full make up, big hair and fancy Sunday jammies.  Not sure.  I guess I should have ask. 

So Grown man gets in the car and speeds away. We take just like my own home and she starts spittin info out like you won't believe.  Seems she's scared of me.  COOL! DH burst my bubble though he said she's not scared of you, she's scared of what you will do.  PERFECT! I have now popped right up there from DH "new young wife" to crazy southern mama!  I am in Heaven!  Now you know me I can not leave well enough alone.  So I find out that Grown Man, has been calling Just Like my Own for along time.  He lives clear over on the other side of Dallas.  Now we all know why a Grown Man would come all the way over to Ft. Worth to see a 15 year old and it ain't cause she's selling girl scout cookies I'll tell ya.  So I found out where this grown man works and i was like ummm car dealership you say.  mmm hummmmm SO i call the dealership and I say ummm Mr. General Manager I'm in the car buying way, can I speak to your employee Mr. Grown Man car salesman?  He said I'm sorry he's sick today.  I laugh and say oooooooooooooooooo I bet he is.  I say Mr. General Manager I'll never buy a car from your dealership, because Mr. Grown Man car Salesman has been using your phone and your computer to stalk my JUST LIKE MY OWN.  I let him know that she was 15 and Mr. Grown man was about 24 and if this happened again I'd own is dealership because he was providing a way for grown man to communicate with young girl.  Now I have no idea what else he said .. I got the gist of it though.  The Gist was "family friendly car lot don't want grown man hitting on children".  Fired Mr. Grown Man yep Mr. General Manager fired Mr. Grown Man car salesman.  Worked for me.

Yes Dear there is a PIG in our garage!

Last year was one of the coldest winters since I've been in Texas.  I saw more snow this year than ever before.  I think most people will agree Texas had alot of snow.  North Texas almost never gets snow.  We got it last winter though.  Well during this cold cold time we had a sick pig.  Now the background on this pig is that she was a pig Dan really really wanted back and we were told "take good care of her".   This means, God just don't kill her.  So of  course we say OK and well on the road she went.  She won several times and then she got sick.  Well crap! So we called Dan and we called "Doc" and as usual they  told us what to do.  So we go and pick up Carafate of all things.  Now I have given carafate to many a patient at the hospital but I didn't know you could give it to pigs.  Turns out our little "Rev" was stressed and had developed a peptic ulcer.  So we give her carafate.  Of course it was the people version and it cost like it.  I had a moment when I though maybe we can get this on our insurance.  My luck and you know my luck, I'd be caught so we just sent DH to pick it up and pay for it.

So we head out!  To the Barn in the cold and I do mean cold.  There she was ... poor baby.  Cold even with a heat lamp.  Now Sweet sister in law #1 was with me.  It was Friday night and Miss Priss was gone somewhere.  So I looked at Sweet Sister in Law #1 and said this medicine has to be given every 4 to 6 hours.  She started laughing.  She's laughing because she knows its a 25 minute drive to the barn.  So by the time I got up gave the meds and got home it would be time to head back to the barn. Now, I'm not sure when she's laughing so hard as she knows I'm going to drag her with me every time.  So at that moment I looked at Sweet sister in law #1 and we both started laughing.  It was a light bulb moment.  We would take her home.  I could put her in the garage and no one would know.  Now we had to keep this quiet as I'm sure my city has some issues with Pigs in garages in the city. 

So we load her up.  I call DH and say I'm bringing the "Rev" home. Bless him he did not even say no.  He has just gotten used to the Green Acres moments and rarely reacts at all any more.  I can't let anything happen to her Dan will have a cow.  ( now Dan has never had a cow but I did not want this to be the first time).  So I call Miss Prissy and tell her get home and help dad get the baby play yard out of the attic. She said HUH? I don't have time to explain your pig is sick.  This kicked her right into action.  I can beg her all day to do something and unless I put "your pig needs it" in front of whatever I want.  Nothing happens.  A pig she will leap tall buildings for.   So here we go.  Now I must tell you its midnight.  So we hook up to the Pig Wagon and load her up.  Now she is really not feeling well.  She barely walks to the Pig Wagon.  We get her in cover her up for the cold ride to the house.

We get there and Sweet Sister in Law #1 is the look out.  The Pig Wagon ramp is lowered and we hustle this sick pig into the garage!  Now I know that this does not sound like a huge operation.  It was, you see I was in my famous pink flamingo PJ's and my birkenstocks and my coat.  This Pig Wagon is lit up like Christmas.  Which is a nice thing as it was Christmas Break.  So we get "Rev" in the garage.  I scrounge up a heater and a lamp(the Elvis lamp, she needed atmosphere you see)!  She can't be in the dark after all she would be scared.  Miss Prissy is worried to death.  So we set up the pig infirmary in the garage.  Miss Priss comes out of the house with Blankets and a flashlight ( not sure why as we did put the Elvis lamp there for the pig ).   Here we go.  Let's hope she's quiet. Miss Priss says " she will be quiet, I'm going to sleep with her.  I said oh no Miss Prissy you will NOT sleep in here with the pig.  Well turns out I was wrong.  She did for 3 days.


So here we are sleeping pig and sleeping Miss Priss in the garage. I really thought Miss Priss would freeze her tushy off and come in but NOPE she did not.  I thought we were going to have to give Miss Priss some carafate but we didn't.  She did use the pig carafate later at a show when she was so nervous she was throwing up.  Thats what she does when she gets nervous she throws up.  It's a family trait.  So "rev" was getting her meds and after a day she started to drink, then she started to eat.  She was up and at it.  Miss Priss was still sleeping with her but did take time out to see Santa. 

Miss Priss and Rev garage sleeping



Notice who has the blanket.  Not Miss Priss!



Miss Priss hits the Jackpot Run!



Well Miss Priss did it.  We are hitting the "Jackpot/Club Pig" Circuit.  How much time can this actually take right?  I've seen the "on the road" section in "The Showbox" and this is doable.  I saw about 2 shows a month.  Not bad.  Little did I know this was just the May edition and HELL they had not put all the shows in. So we decide we are going to need a trailer to haul.  We just know we are going to need 8 pigs to run with, Right, WRONG!  So we do some fancy talking and we talk DUH EX into buying her a trailer.  He bought her a very nice trailer.  White with lettering and we dubbed it The Mary Hannah Mobile.  It was most assuredly a girls trailer.  White with purple lettering it said Mary Hannah Winstead across the top. On the back it had Ms. Stutes saying "in it to win it".   It of course , had pigs on it.  Pretty ones with big hiney's and long eyelashes.  People would often point and smile.  That was fun.  It was great to go whipping around folks at about 80 and they see MOM and sleeping Miss Priss.  Yes, we got a laugh or two or four.







The Mary Hannah


So here we go, we have no looked at the dates, times and places.  I'll tell you I'm not thinking we are going to make all these shows.  No way am I hauling pigs to Pasadena, Texas.  WRONG!  Well we have to have these pigs now much earlier in this decision we talked to Miss Priss's second hero in the pig world.  Dan Reed.  Now Miss Priss thinks the sun rises and sets on Jessica and Dan.  What they say goes, usually.  So she calls Dan and ask if he had enough pigs to run the summer.  Now Jessica AKA Ms. Stutes has already informed Dan that we will be running the "jackpots". Funny how she knew that before I even decided.  MMMMM HUMMMM. 

So yes of course Dan was going to fix Miss Priss up.  We came home with 10 pigs.  This should do it we are good I think.  Now once again that's what I get for thinking. 

The very first show our pigs were really small.  I mean really small.  Jessica says are you all going to the 1st show.  I said " no the pigs are babies and well I think we will skip this one and hit it hard as soon as school is out."  Jessica says "nah clean up that little one and go".  Little one's name was Penelope and she was a cutie.  Well we go and of course we have 30lbs of runt again.  Not expecting much.  If I am lying I'm dying, that darn Pennelope and Miss Priss won! The judge actually ask Miss Priss "honey did you bring that pig in a showbox".  To this Miss Priss ( she was shy then, now not so much ) says "no sir in my mama's car".  He just kinda patted her on the back and said well congratulations.  I know he was thinking ... OMG who are these people.  They won and the Jackpot was on!

Miss Priss and Pennelope Small but powerful!

Penelope met with an unfortunate issue a few weeks later.  She stressed out and died.  Yep died right there.  It was awful.  Miss Priss crying, me cussing on the phone with Jessica and James.  Well didn't help she's dead what am I gonna do with her.  James saved the day and buried her for me.  This would be the first burial of many in the Alvarado High School Pig Cemetery.  We were crushed she was our best pig.  Oh well! we are sunk.

Well we decide it will be ok.  When our pigs get bigger then we may have some luck on this circuit.  So we load up the "Pig Wagon" ( my daddy named it that ) and we head out to Belt Buckle in Waco.  We now are down to 9 pigs and not sure where the 10 th is coming from because we need 10.  Well he hit Waco, Texas and unload all is good so far.  This is where it got kinda ugly.  Seems the judge did not like our pigs.  No way no how.  Miss Priss did not place above 3rd.  Dan is here and he assures us they are just green its going to be ok.  Oh, and by the way, He had us a pig delivered.  She was awful.  She was skinny and high from the crap they gave her to calm her for the trip from Arkansas.  She was  beat up and I thought WHAT THE HELL! We loaded her up.  Someone said in passing I think that is a Cobb pig.  Now that meant not one darn thing to me.  A pig is a pig right. 

So we load and go , we are tired, pooped, worn out.  Miss Priss is sleeping and I'm driving and its geez very late.  So I get on the road.  Now a wonderus thing happens.  We are driving in from Waco and its way dark.  We come across out of Hillsboro Texas and OMG.  Its beautiful.  I had forgotten it was July 4th, fireworks were coming up all around us from the little towns.  It was so pretty.  I thought it was so cool I woke up Miss Priss and she said " yeah mom they are fireworks".  Well so much for that. Really was pretty though.

Now, remember I said no Pasadena, no way no how not going.  Well hell ... we were going.  So we packed our bags, shaved the babies and off we went.  Now this time we had Sweet Sister in Law #1 and Taylor with us.  We left at Midnight as PIGS DON'T SWEAT and in Texas its hot! So we had to leave at night and drive.  We get there at the butt crack of dawn.  (sweet sister in laws words not mine)  We pull in the shade to keep the babies cool.  Now this trip had taken awhile because well we had to stop and water and cool the babies off every 3 hours.  So here we are.  We unload find our hotel, nap then back to take care of the babies.  It was a great trip.  She won and won and won seems that ugly baby we picked up in Waco was a swan!  Everyone wanted to know where we got her and of course Miss Priss and I were blissful idiots saying "i don't know".  I now know they all thought were lying.  Seems to be a jackpot thing not to tell people where you get your pigs.  We really didn't know.  We just knew Dan came through.

I did learn a valuable lesson on this trip.  Always put a brake box in your car.  Yep! Thank  you fine folks of Pasadena for stopping when I blew through the red light, horn honking and kids screaming and pigs shifting.  People stopped, Good thing or we would have had pig babies everywhere.

Well it went on like this all summer.  We were home on Monday, Tuesday and Wed. and off on some "pig run" the rest of the week.  Poor Bill, he had to stay and work to keep us in money to keep us running.  Grandma would keep Jack.  Miss Priss and I were on the road.  We logged 25,000 miles just that jackpot run and I'm not counting Major show circuit.

Then we decide we will head to Kingsville and run the South Texas Series.  Now when we decided this I thought Kingsville was just the other side of San Antonio.  No one told me it was freaking 8 hours the other side!  We did it though and Miss Priss won Senior High Points in the South Texas Series.  We met some great people "The Lees", "The Kelso's" and this could be where we met the "Those Waggners" we love so much.   Kingsville Texas is where Ompa Kelso, Chris Lee, and Frank Sessions set me straight.  They told me how to "feed" a pig!  They gave me the in's and outs and I was writing it down.  I called Dan, I called Jessica and they both said try it.  Well try it we did and my god here we go we were unstoppable! She was winning and winning big.  Thanks to all those Men who were willing to help out some girls from North Texas that didn't have a clue!  GIRLS RULE would become our new motto.  This is where my baby "jackpot" bloomed.  Jessica said Jackpot was a piece of  "s*#".  Boy did he ever win.  Jackpot won everything, he was great.  MAMA can pick a pig now and again!  He was a barrow though and had to go be porkchops.  We did give him to Jessica to eat cause we couldn't stand the thought of a stranger having him.  Jessica's daddy was afraid he'd have to fatten him up to eat him.  NOT THE CASE.  She called me one day at lunch and said, "now i know this is going to hurt your heart, but Jackpot is GOOD!!!!!!!!!!" I could have gone all year with out that one.  Now that marked a turning point in our " jackpottin".  All the sudden Miss Priss would pull in and people knew who she was.  Now I'm thinking this was not such a good thing.  We learned another very important lesson.  When you are winning you find out who your friends are!  The real ones love you when you are winning and the help you when you are losing.  Those other ones they are just PISSED OFF!

So we are finishing up the South Texas series.  DH make the statement well if you get there with live hogs she wins. Now he should not have said this.  We packed up, loaded out in the sleet and driving snow.  The further south we go the worse the weather got.  It was snowing on the coast! The pigs were cold we were cold and we checked them in San Antionio all was well.  DH wanted to stop outside of S.A. and I said NOPE they are warm and cozy and asleep keep going.  DH said are you sure! I said yep! keep going.  Miss Priss was asleep.  This proved to be a lesson as well we got to Kingsville and we had one that didn't get up when we opened the trailer.  Imagine that, she was really sleeping.  Now we had 2 babies that looked just alike the only difference was MAMA had shelled out some really big and I mean really big money on one and didn't tell DH about it.   He thought they all cost $300.  This was a nice round number and he was really impresssed that Miss Priss was winning with cheap pigs.  Every time he ask us what did that cost we would say .... Dan gave it to us.  Now DH thought Dan the most generous man on earth. MMMM HMMMM
So we are unloading and one of our pig babies is dead.  I look at Miss Priss with I know just plain old panic.  I said Miss Priss which one is it.  She said don't worry mom its not the expensive one.

Houston Bound!



Houston " the buckle"



The winner as a baby! Oliver



He's getting really big!



Mary Hannah, Oliver and Ms. Stutes



Mary hannah and Oliver! Its now or never!

   So here we are !  We have a Houston pig! I know I know I said only one pig.  So Stutes heads to Duncan Oklahoma to get Miss Priss a "Houston" pig.  I sent $250 dollars with her.  Boblena only cost $250 so it makes sense that "Houston" would only cost this right.  WRONG!  I get a phone call.  Now I'm at work and Stutes is on a buying trip.  ( i actually worked for the school district )  So Stutes calls and said " Denna I have found it but its more than $250.  Really I say how much more.  She said ummmm can I spend $500.  I was like ummm I don't know.  She quickly told me how much we could win if he stayed good and was able to do well.  Now, I know this is a crap shoot.  What I had not told anyone was Miss Priss's daddy showed pigs and did very well and actually went to Europe after graduation from High School all thanks to his pigs.  So I call DUH ex husband.  "What do you think" I said.  He said no problem I'll pay for half.  So there you go I reasoned, it still only cost me $250.  DH would be freakin thrilled!

So Stutes bought this pig from some Amish guy from Indiana who of course did not have a PHONE!  So she gave him her number and told him to call her and she'd let him know how Miss Priss and soon to be known as OLIVER did.  Well she loads him up.  IN A CRATE of course and motors him back to Texas.  Well we were worried about him being cold and had his pen and his heat lamp all ready to go.  Hell he was from Indiana it was practically balmy in Texas.  He was so happy he promptly got sick! So here we go.  Me and Miss Priss got a crash course in giving Oliver a shot.  (much later being the school nurse I got really good at this and was the go to pig shooter for all )

Well he got better and he decided to love his heat lamp.  So now we had two pigs Oliver and beloved BOBLENA.  Now I don't think it dawned on Miss Priss that even though Boblena would go back to the "farm".  Oliver would go to the grocery store.  This comes later.  So she fed him and loved him and walked him everyday.  Our county show was coming up and we entered them both.  Boblena and Oliver were ready.  Well the Monday before our county show Mary Hannah was walking Oliver and omg he fell and ruptured his ACL.  Yes I say the pig had a torn ACL.  What the hell!  So Stutes called "Doc" and John Michael.  She said now they can tell us what we need to do. Stutes said " John Michael is a little annoying but he's nice and he will know what to do if "Doc" can't come.  (Doc would be John Michael's dad and Johns Michael would now be Stutes fiance oh yeah I'm LMAO that he is going to read this one)  So they come and sure enough ACL!  I can see our hopes go to the crapper!  So only Boblena goes to county.  Oliver stays all comfy in the barn.

Boblena did well.  There wasnt' much cussing this time because starchy principal was there and Stutes had to be nice.  Boblena did well but didn't actually win but made "sale".  Mary Hannah was thrilled but not so happy that it would be time to return to Dan on the farm.  So Boblena made her some money and Oliver is down and miserable with a torn ACL.

So for the next few weeks he grew and laid there.  Miss Prissy and Stutes took turns rubbing him down with horse liniment and massaging his piggy knee and giving him enough glucosomine to kill a full grown elephant.
He just laid there and grew some more!

So the day arrives.  OK we have to get him there.  He's walking not very well but he's walking.  Mary Hannah is worried and I'm thinking "well hell that bastard better not die on the trailer."  So Madison Holder, she would be Miss Priss's very dear piggy friend.  Well her grandpa loaded him up to take him to Houston for us.  He promised to check on him really often and that he would make it.  Guess what ! HE DID!  Stutes called when they got to the barn and got in line.  When she called all I said was " is he breathing".   She said yes get your ass out of your beach house and to Houston so Miss Priss can see her Oliver baby.  So we did, we left a perfectly great beach house.  Headed to Houston to see our pig baby. 

Over the next 3 days Miss Priss showed us what she was made of.  She massaged , rubbed and smelled like an icy hot queen for 3 days.  She was up day and night which meant I was up day and night.  Back at the beach house DH called and said "do you think we have a shot".  I said well if  and that was a big "if" he can walk Stutes says we do.  I had seen the isle Miss Priss and Oliver had to walk to get to the show ring and I thought he would never make it.  Now you have to remember Oliver did love Miss Priss. Pigs are smart.  I was even impressed at how smart they were.  Now ex hubby took care of the pigs and I took care of the cows.  I knew not much about pigs and even less about "show" pigs.  Give me a cow and I got it, give me a pig and wooooooooooo I had a lot to learn.

So we all stood around and looked at Miss Priss look at Ms. Stutes who would wink and say its gonna be ok.  I'd smile and Miss Priss would smile.  I'd look at Stutes and cuss under my breath!  It was looking grim. 
We were to the point I just wanted him to make it to the truck alive.  Then we would go back to the beach house and try to buy stuff to cheer up Miss Priss.  Who can be sad at the beach right?

The day of the show came and LOW AND BEHOLD HE WAS WALKING!  He walked to the wash rack for his bath.  He stood up to eat and even sat in Miss Priss's lap.  Well being a nurse I know things always get better before they die! I was not thinking we were in good shape here.  I could just see him dropping dead right there going down that long alley to the show ring.  Well folks here we go.  Miss Priss turned into Sparklie again before my very eyes.  Stutes loaned her a buckle she had won in high school for good luck.  Out came Oliver and Miss Priss was smiling! She hugged and kissed him and he looked at her and ya'll I swear .... he was thinking bring it on!  THAT PIG walked as pretty as you please down that long isle and hit the pen.... BOOM he was through YAY! WHOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO He was in a pen and could rest a minute.  Ok out to the arena he walked for awhile and BOOM he was penned.  No limping at this point.  SO he coud go back to the pen and rest.  Stutes was running and probally cussin again and getting water to spray the pig with and Miss Prissy aka Sparkles was feeding him marshmellows and giving him drinks and massaging away.  Seemed like forever.

HERE WE GO! They call out Miss Priss aka Sparkles and they are weaving and moving and moving and turning and making those big circles!  and we are down to 3 pigs and the judge is trying to decide who to put 3rd , 2nd then 1st.  OMG I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT!  He's walking and he's circling and he's moving and he's OMG HE'S starting to LIMP!  So she turns him to the other side .. good good ... good good!  Well his leg gives and he almost falls and Miss Priss is looking like she's gonna die.  OLIVER wins 3rd!  3rd place overall Hampshire's at the HOUSTON STOCK SHOW AND RODEO with her second pig.  Oliver with a  blown ACL limping pig. 

She is so excited!  Bless his heart.  She gets to the gate to go and have her picture made with Oliver and Miss Stutes and then says do we get to keep him since we won.  This is the part where being the Ag teacher, Parent and Ag Supporter sucks.  Her very first pig to win big and Stutes has to tell her "no honey he has to go to the truck".   So with big tears streaming and a big hug for the pig she sends him off. 

Man how sweet but how bitter!  He won and still had to die.  He had done it.  Miss Priss worked day and night to get him walking and he gave her all he had!  This come from nowhere kid with 2 pigs and her first year had won 3rd place in the Houston Live Stock Show and Rodeo.  AMAZING!

So we went to the beach and "rested" the week away and on the way home from the backseat I hear Miss Priss say.... Mama! you know I think we could run the circuit next year, don't you think that would be fun.  I said I don't know Miss Priss that's alot, maybe we will just stick with a county pig and maybe hit Dallas and Ft Worth next year.  She said ok and grinned really big ..... Little did I know we were running the jackpot and major show circuits next year!

Miss Priss gets a PIG and A new AG Teacher!

"Mary Hannah and Boblena"

Well here we go this is how it all started for all of you who don't know the story. 

My sweet Miss Priss fell in love with her Ag teacher.  We will call said Ag teacher JESSICA STUTES.  Well Miss Priss came home everyday extolling the virtues of Ms. Stutes.  That would be perfectly fine with me.  She was a good kid and we didn't own any land.  We lived on a postage stamp.  So what can it hurt for her to take an Ag class.  Not a thing.  So I thought.  I have been wrong before.  So Miss Priss happily set off for the Ag class. Miss Priss kinda sorta wanted to be a Vet so Ag would be a good idea right?  So she signed up for the Vet Tech class.  What could this hurt. 

Miss Priss comes home one day and said .... Mama I want a pig.  Bill said oh Miss Priss we don't have room for a pot bellied pig.  NOOOOOOOOOO said Miss Priss I want a real pig! I swear when she said it her eyes sparkled and she promised me the moon. A clean room, do her laundry, watch her brother, and just any old other thing I wanted. 

Now you ave to understand the background on this.  I was married to a farmer.  He had pigs.  He had cows. He row cropped.  This was not my first rodeo.  I said when I left said farmer "I will never ever ever have anymore livestock again.  I don't even want to look at a cow or a pig."  The pigs stank and when the wind blew just right my whole yard was stinky.  I would complain and he would say ..."smells like money".  Didn't smell like money to me.  Smelled like pig crap!  Well DH and I said NOPE, not gonna happen, I don't think so, nope end of conversation.

Well if you know Miss Priss, there is never an end to a conversation.  So for days all I heard was pig this and pig that and pig pig pig until I thought I would scream!  So I decided logic was in order.  Miss Priss I say " where would be keep said pig".  I don't think the city would let us keep one in out yard.  She said OH! no problem, we keep it at the Ag barn.  I said Mary Hannah how much is said pig.  She said oh not much.  OK, what is not much.  Turns out that pork chop was going to cost me $250 dollars. (little did I know at the time Dan Reed and Ms. Stutes were just suckin me in with the $250 pig )

So DH and I had a talk and we decided, really what could one pig actually cost.  ( this is an if i only knew then what I know now )  So I caught Ms. Stutes in the hall one day and said OMG tell me about this pig thing.  I got the low down.  I think now she left some stuff out!

So we tell (me and DH) Miss Priss she may have one pig.  Don't ask for more.  We are not going to do this over and over. ( yeah right)  So Miss Priss cleaned her room and watched her brother for us to go out and eat.  I don't think the room has been cleaned since.  So on Friday we gather all the stuff one needs for a pig.  We paid some pen rent at $50, bucket $20 ( of course we had to have a pink one), chain feeder $25 bucks, 3 bags of shavings $35, Pvc pipe $2.00, PVC pipe cap $7, glue $3, Bungee cords $10, and one heat lamp $20 including bulb.  So now we are up to $422 bucks and we don't have feed.  So we leave and go to the feed store.  We get feed, 5 bags at $22 a bag.  We are now to $ 532 bucks.  I'm seeing we are in trouble deep. 

That afternoon we get the call.  Ms. Stutes has the pig at the school barn.  So we leave and she sure did buy us the cutest pig on earth.  Miss Priss named her Boblena.  Miss Priss was in love.  She stayed with the pig until I said I'm leaving you can see her in the morning.  I think there was some argument that Miss Priss could sleep with Boblena.  I said no you can't sleep with a pig ... geeezzzzzzzz while little did I know it would happen and happen alot!

So we have  Boblena and Miss Priss is so happy.  In a few weeks Ms. Stutes said there is a show and Miss Priss needs to take Boblena.  They might can place pretty well.  I was like yeah yeah we never win anything and that pig is runt like.  Compared to the others in the barn we were sitting on 50 lbs of pure loser.  Miss Priss loved Boblena though with allllllllllll her heart and just knew she could win.  I was like well can we take it in the car.  So we did, with a dog crate.  This would be the first of many pigs to ride in my car. 

Well the week before the show Miss Priss tells me we have to have purple shampoo, revive to treat her skin and then we have to clip her.  "Clip her" would mean she gets a shave.  So we/she did.  So the day of the show we load up Boblena in a dog crate formerly belonging to Ruby our dog and off we go.  We get there and Boblena got to rest.  I didn't get to rest though.  I was the go fetch and toter!  I did not sign up for this.  So Miss Priss goes to wash her pig.  She fed her pig with help from Ms. Stutes and all was hunky dorry.  There were some large hams there.  I thought nah Miss Priss is pretty and all but we won't win that pig is too small .... and we didn't have a charolette to weave for us. 

Well Miss Priss went to get dressed, all I can say is this was the day my Miss Priss turned in to "Sparkles" Queen of the Pigs.  ( and i don't mean that in a negative way )  She was transformed right before my very eyes.  She had on huge Make up, big hair and some dang jewelry as big as my head.  I'm not sure how she was holding her head up!  I said "miss priss where did you get that stuff and she smiled with stars in those sparklie eyes that she cold barely open from the mascara and said MS. STUTES.  Now at this point I had to ask, " are they judging you or BOBLENA".  I got an eye roll.  Seems to me if Miss Priss aka SParklies had to look good Boblena needed a bow or something. 

So its her turn and off they go.  Miss Priss aka Sparlie and Boblena.  Miss Priss had her hot pink "pig whip" she never had to really "whip" anything as Boblena followed her anywhere she thought there were marshmallows and rice krispy treats.  So they go in the ring and I'm standing there skeptical.  Then I see the other pigs and I think well just maybe?  So they make their circles and weave in and out of pig traffic like they had done this before.  I must say I was very impressed.  Well next thing I know they put them in a pen.  So I'm thinking oh better luck next time they put them out.  Well low and behold I see Ms. Stutes jumping bleachers and running and cussin and wooohooooin and causing all kind of loudness ... and I was like ummmm what.  DH was kinda worried the Ag teacher was cussin and yelling. It seemed very un teacher like(All I can say now is LOL.)  Turns out penned is good.  So DH and I amble over.  DH in his loafers trying not to step in anything.  Ferragamos and PIG POOP we learned do not mix.  So here we are and Miss Priss aka sparklies is grinnning from ear to ear and kissing that pig.  Boblena looked kinda proud to.  So I said what happens next.  Well Ms. Stutes explained they had to go back out and they would either win or be out of the show. 

You people know what I'm thinking.  Not that i'm pessimistic but it was the first time Miss Priss aka Sparklie had ever walked around with a pig in a circle.  Well here they go and the judge is pointing out pigs and putting out pigs and Pretty soon I her Ms. Stutes scream HELLLLLLLLLL YEAH! ( you have to know her ) I realized this could be a good thing.  Then i realize its only Miss Priss aka Sparklies who were left.  They have won.  They won the class ... Miss Priss got and envelope and she was happy.  I opened the envelope and there was $20 bucks.  Not quite what I had invested so far but well you know. 

So I'm ready to go.  NOPE turns out we have a few more circles to make.  So Miss Priss and Boblena went in again as Class winners.  They circle and weave and dodge and move around and sure enough Miss Priss and Boblena are left alone again.  Then I hear it HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL YEAH! I looked at DH and said ummm I think she won.  Ms. Stutes just looked at me like I had grown and extra head and said ummm yeah! SHE WON. 

Miss Priss and Boblena received the first of many sparklie new LARGE belt buckles! That was it the fever had hit.  Miss Priss was hooked.  She came out of the ring saying MAMA I NEED A  HOUSTON PIG!  So here we are, OMG I think we are in the pig showin business.  How bad can this be 2 pigs a year, couple of shows and maybe some wins.  RIGHT! mmmmm hummmmmm that is a whole other story.