Well first of all I'm writing my blog today on a blue background. They say Blue is a calming color.
You know my funniest stuff comes from the parentals. Well here we go. My mama decided she needed to have surgery to replace her knee. So the phone rings and I hear " Denna, I'm going to do it. My knee is killing me. I'm going to have knee replacement surgery.
Now folks, my first thought was "oh s*%#". I quickly recovered from my thoughts and said " OK mom when are you going to do this?" Big K assured me it would not be for a month or so. That worked out well for me. I again needed to rearrange my work schedule and get my kiddo and husband ready for my absence.
The best part of this story would be the next statement. "Now you don't need to come". RIGHT! Uh HUH! I tell her "no mom I'll be there just give me a month to get ready. I'll take a week off 'and come and stay with you and daddy." Her next famous words were " oh no , we don't need any help we will be fine." Again, uhhhh huhhhh.
So I go home from work and inform the worlds best Chubbie Hubbie. I will be going to my mama and em's for at least a week. I will leave sometime next month depending on when she schedules the surgery. Big K has assured me that it will be at least a month.
Ring ringggggggggg the phone. Its Big K. "Guess what I scheduled my surgery". I said "oh OK mom what day." Big K says "well next week". NEXT WEEK! I can't do next week. I have work, kids in school, Sparklie is coming home. Bill has a crap load of court. Oh OH GOD OH GOD! What am I gonna do.
I'm thinking all this and trying to breath and Big K says. "Now don't worry I'll be fine". FAMOUS LAST WORDS!
So when the breath returns to my body. Large body as it is. I say "no I'll get everything taken care of here and I'll be there." Chubby hubbie is looking at me like a big eyed puppy. Jack is running circles around him and Sparklie is calling on my cell phone. OK, to reassure them one at the time is going to take hours.
Chubbie hubbie gets right on the phone and gets me a flight out. Here we go plans are on. So I have my flight and I of course have to work all week and get to the Wal-Marts. I have no idea why but anytime I go on a trip I have to go to "the Wal-Marts".
That's just the way it is.
Travel day is here and Stacey and Madelyn are awaiting me at Memphis airport. We leave and head for Palmersville. Stacey is still laughing at me. I want to kill her . Instead I tell her how its not funny. So we start to make plans. I will stay with daddy at home. ( so we can make sure he doesn't scarf all the the Twinkies and good stuff he can't have) Stacey will work make food runs. Check on us and get daddy to dialysis. Ohhhh the best laid plans.
So 5 am the next morning we are off. I haven't seen 5 am in a long time. Here we go. Mom, dad and myself. Stacey is coming after she gets Madelyn settled. We get to the hospital and of course there is a delay. Mom finally goes to surgery and we go for lunch.
There it begins.... My mama BIG K. Comes back from surgery screaming. Now she knows this is going to be a hard surgery. She is fully aware of the implications of knew replacement. She's done a few in her time.
She enters the room screaming "rub my leg"!!!!!!!!!!!. I have ruined myself.!!!!!!!!!!!!!! " Omg ...I'm trying to tell her to be calm and rest and she's screaming "rub my foot, rub my knee, hold my leg". So here I stand rubbing her foot telling her I can't rub her leg because she's going to get a blood clot. We she looks at me with eyes of the devil and says " I DON'T CARE RUB IT".
This is my point where my baby girl sister gets up. I think OK, she's going to help me. She did .. sure enough... she got me a chair so I could rub Big K's leg. My dad is worried to death and my mama is screaming. Finally they knock her ass out! and I mean OUT!
So whew, bullet dodged. OK so she's sleeping and I take daddy home because baby sister had to go get her wee one. Little did I know that drive from Paris to Palmersville and back would be the most pleasant 2 hours of my week.
I get back mom is snoozing. I have this we are good. Just as that thought pops into my head, I hear... "Denna I have to pee". NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOooo oh god. OK mom let me get a bed pan. NOPE I HAVE TO GET UP! Oh lord, help me. OK, so I finally get her to use a bedpan. I dumped the bed pan, clean sheets all a round. This is the way it will go all night because my mom TOOK HER LASIX before surgery! Really she's a nurse and she takes Lasix before surgery. I want to kill her.
Chipper PT person comes in and says its time to get up. SHE DID. I was amazed but Big K hopped right up outta that bed and proclaims "I'm a tough old bird". Well yea, right then she was. When the epidural wears off we will see.
Mom was good all day. Got up walked I was quite amazed! That CPM machine was whipping up and down like a see saw gone nuts and she was not even complaining. Dang I thought she is tough!
Well turns out 3rd day .... no epidural pain relief. I mean NONE! She was hurting, it was awful. So her doctor gave her some new meds. Pain meds. She does not take pain meds so it made her crazy as a Betsy bug. Nuttier than a fruit cake. Loony as a loony tune.
My mama showed her "hoo Hoo" to everyone. She was riding her motorcycle she could not get off it because her DAMN kids tear everything up and her motorcycle was shiny and red and she didn't want no scratches on the DAMN motor cycle. Yes folks ... that's exact words right there. My dad just looked at me. I shrugged and said "OK mom keep going but don't fall off and hurt your knee".
Well we made it pretty good until she decided to go to Sears to get a new dress. "Denna help me up we are going to Sears". I said, "no mom we are not going to Sears today." Mom said " oh yes we are". I said, "oh no we are not". She just kept on and on and finally I said "NO we are not Sears SUCKS!" Big K said "OK hateful" and went to sleep.
So here we go again. Nutty Big K. She was off the wall nuts. Her friends and co workers would call and she would start yelling "Why are they calling, Pam Edwards needs to call she's my friend. Only one in this world who cares a thing about me". I'd have to hang up real fast so her friends couldn't hear all the bad stuff she was saying about them.
Every 5 minutes she would ask "Did Pam call". I reply "yes mom". Big K " I don't know why Pam won't call she's my friend", I'd say "mom she did call". Then she would complain that Jack was too loud and to tell him to hush. I did call Pam. I'd been out in the hallway telling her how crazy as hell my mother was.
At this point I'm about to kill myself and get it over with and I see on T.V. that a tornado has hit my neighborhood. You know I could have gone all day. So Jack is at school on lock down, Bill is in Ft worth and I call grandma who is in the closet hunkered down and will call me back later. DO YOU KNOW HOW HELPLESS FEELS! I sure did.
Well Big K survived, I survived, I ended up in Tennessee for 3 weeks instead of 1 week. I was an experience. I guess the best part was the morning I woke up and couldn't move. I was sleeping with my mother to help her get up and down. Seems my dad got up in the night to go potty and got in his bed. So here we are. I'm like really mom! She said we were bonding. I say I don't want to bond anymore! I wanna go home.
Note to self. Crawl before you have knee surgery! There will be more references to these 3 weeks of my life in future blogs. There was just too much good stuff to cover. "rolls eyes"
