Parenting the Redneck Hillbilly way.

It came to my attention the other day that no one on earth parents like Hillbilly's/rednecks do.  Now yes I'm calling myself a Hillbilly/Redneck parental stalker.  That is what I am.  I am Proud of it.  I was telling my daddy the other day about and incident that had happened to his "grandson" at day school.  He said " did they whip is ass".  I said no daddy they can't do that at school.  HE launched into that's whats wrong with the world today.  They can't whip their asses.  I just kinda roll my eyes but then I think ummmmm well I did learn my parenting skills from him.

There was this one time I was in the Wal-Mart.  My sweet baby boy was running amok, he was screaming and having a fit over candy at the check out.  Now I told him no.  I know that there was really not a reason to tell him no.  It was a 70 cent piece of candy but I did tell him no.  Now "No" is a word he does not hear very often.  On this day I had told him NO!  Well he kept on, then he had a melting screaming fit.  So I warned him.  "Sweet baby boy I said no, if you don't stop I'm going to whip you."  Well you know, he just kept on.  I don't think he believed me.  We were in the Wal - mart and he knows I won't spank him in front of people.  WRONG!  I jerked him up and whipped his butt right there in line.  Guess what, he straightened up.  There was this lady behind me, and she stuck her nose in the air and told me I should be ashamed.  Now I know my head spun around like Beetle Juice and I said " I can whip your ass too".  She said well its barbaric and doesn't help anything.  I said "really cause it made me feel better and hitting you will make me feel GREAT".  She grabbed her buggy ( yes Texans BUGGY not CART) and man she was off.   Sweet baby boy had forgotten whatever he wanted and was now happy as a lark but I was MADD.   How dare that person tell me what to do with my child. 

I head to my car and there she was.  She was getting my plate number.  I said to her ... go ahead call the police ask for Mike or Tiffany as they know me.  I told her my name and say OH yeah call CPS to as I passed the home study to adopt him.  Now, by this time her mouth was wide open and she just turned around and walked off.  That my friend is Redneck/ hillbilly parenting at its best.

I witnessed a profound event this week.  It was pure Redneck Texas parenting at its best!  I was at work and a co-worker came in from picking up her kiddo.   Now little darlin has been a trial for her lately as she is going to thru a divorce and he's going thru that divorce too.  I kinda feel sorry for them as I remember what that is like.  Daddy is wonderful cause he has nothing to do all day but tell mommy her parenting skills  are all wrong and that the kids are fine.  I really just wanna go bust this guy myself but I have no idea where he lives.  So she's getting out of the car.  This sweet darlin is doing anything he can think of to annoy her at this point.  She stops outside the door to ask a question.  He's looking at the ground ignoring her. This is what sweet darlins do they avoid avoid.  When they know they are in TROUBLE they avoid.  Well Mama leans down and lifts sweet darlins face to her's and I hear this. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG not Oh My GOD but OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ----- MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM---- GGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!  Now I didn't even look to see what was wrong as I was too busy laughing my ass off at the OMG thing.  Seems her brain went so mushy that she couldn't even speak she reverted right in to TEXT! 

Well sweet darlin had cut his hair.  Now I don't mean a little snip snip.  I swear given 5 more second and he would have carved initials in to that strip of missing hair.  It was GONE!   Now I'm kinda feelin sorry for her at this point but its so darn funny I'm laughing.  Well I hear this kid screaming I mean knuckle melting someone is dying scream.  I look out on the porch and there was the perfect redneck discipline.  She was shaving his head!  He was screaming like she was killin him.   I looked at another co worker and I was like man he's screaming.  Those are just clippers.  Seems those were dull clippers!  Now you've seen children go round and round getting a spanking but this one was round and round getting a clipping!  I laughed and laughed.  I said to the mama... ummmm did I miss that article on dicipline in "Parenting" magazine.  She said no it was in REDNECK PARENTING!  LOVE IT!

You see that is what my parents did.  Oh I got a whoopin thats for sure but I got lots of redneck/hillbilly parenting too.  Like the time I thought it would be good to skip school.  It was nice.  I got lots of alone, one on one time, with my daddy.  Everyday he took me to school and dropped me right off there in front of the building.  Problem was, did we go in his normal truck?  NOOOOOOOOOOO we went in the 74 ford that was blue, green and "rust".  He put the green sideboards on especially for me I'm sure!  It was great.  I remember asking him, can't you drop me off in back and him saying " nope front is good".  Mortified I would make the walk of shame.  Didn't skip school anymore though.

There were way more times of this type of parenting.  I used to ride my horse all the time.  The rule was I had to be home by dark.  Well you guessed right, i was out after dark.  I was coming down a dark lonely road wayyyyyy out in between Gleason and Greenfield.  I wasn't scared of the dark but I was hurting.  My horse had thrown me and I think my elbow was broken.   Of course I had made the decision to ride home, we didn't have cell phones.  Now my daddy was an ask questions later kinda daddy.  So I see headlights coming my way.  Truck slows down.  Its my daddy, now I was kinda hurting so I was glad to see him.  I thought he would listen to me and let me drive home and him take my horse.  NOPE, all I heard was "where you been"  and "your late".  Then I heard "I'll be waiting when you get home".  Well hell.  I'm sure that's what I thought.  So I made it home.  My horse was hot and tired.  I pulled off the saddle with daddy sitting there not helping me.  I was going to put her out and go to the house.  He said not so fast.  I said Daddy my arm is hurting I think its broken.  He said well your horse is hungry.  So to feed her rub her down and hobble to the house.  Then he YES grounded me.  I think I finally talked them into taking me to the doctor about 3 days later.  Guess what BROKEN ELBOW! 

Me and "turd"

There as another time when my sister "the turd" and I were in the back seat.  We were on vacation! Now, really we were going to east Tennessee to see family but anytime we saw more than 2 lanes Hell we were on vacation!  Well we got to Nashville Tennessee and we were fighting.  We were fighting because she was a "turd".  She was a "turd" til she turned about 16 then I liked her OK.  SO we were fighting and daddy was tired of hearing it.  SO he turns around and says " one more word out of that back seat and I'm going to stop this car and whip yalls ass".   I believed him!  So we began to fight silently! then she sat on my finger OMG thought i was gonna die.  Something was wrong this hurt.  DID I OPEN MY MOUTH, NOPE!  So we fell asleep I guess.  The next day we were walking and we went to cross the street and my daddy grabbed my hand and I yelled.  He looked down at my hand and said what happened to your fingers.  I said Stacey sat on them.  He said why didn't you say something.  I said " cause you were gonna whip my ass".  LOL well you guessed it folks BROKEN FINGERS!

You know I'm a pedi nurse these days and I don't remember really going to the doctor for much.  Now these mamas  bring their precious darlins in for everything.  Me nope, I'm like my mama.  I'm a redneck / hillbilly mama ... i ask are you bleeding, and then i determine if its enough to warrant a hospital or doctor visit.  Usually they would need to lose a few pints to make that happen.  Poor Miss Priss and Sweet Boy never get to go to the doctor really.  That's a good thing I guess. 

making Miss Priss Paint on the ladder! I'm afraid of heights.
Child labor at its best!

So in my opinion we need to give redneck parenting tips.  You are allowed to whip your child's butt in wal- mart or any other place you need too.  I will hug them and love them and kiss them.  I will spank if I need to.  For all those people who say "does that make you feel better or him mind"?  I say well I'm not sure if it teachs him anything but wooooooooooooo I sure do feel better!  I was a nurse at a high school and I will tell you one thing.  Half of the kids at that school would never have made it one minute in my house.  Boy Howdy, they would have needed all that school at risk counseling everyday.

 

Sweet baby boy and his pony! My daddy bought that for him.