Yes Dear there is a PIG in our garage!

Last year was one of the coldest winters since I've been in Texas.  I saw more snow this year than ever before.  I think most people will agree Texas had alot of snow.  North Texas almost never gets snow.  We got it last winter though.  Well during this cold cold time we had a sick pig.  Now the background on this pig is that she was a pig Dan really really wanted back and we were told "take good care of her".   This means, God just don't kill her.  So of  course we say OK and well on the road she went.  She won several times and then she got sick.  Well crap! So we called Dan and we called "Doc" and as usual they  told us what to do.  So we go and pick up Carafate of all things.  Now I have given carafate to many a patient at the hospital but I didn't know you could give it to pigs.  Turns out our little "Rev" was stressed and had developed a peptic ulcer.  So we give her carafate.  Of course it was the people version and it cost like it.  I had a moment when I though maybe we can get this on our insurance.  My luck and you know my luck, I'd be caught so we just sent DH to pick it up and pay for it.

So we head out!  To the Barn in the cold and I do mean cold.  There she was ... poor baby.  Cold even with a heat lamp.  Now Sweet sister in law #1 was with me.  It was Friday night and Miss Priss was gone somewhere.  So I looked at Sweet Sister in Law #1 and said this medicine has to be given every 4 to 6 hours.  She started laughing.  She's laughing because she knows its a 25 minute drive to the barn.  So by the time I got up gave the meds and got home it would be time to head back to the barn. Now, I'm not sure when she's laughing so hard as she knows I'm going to drag her with me every time.  So at that moment I looked at Sweet sister in law #1 and we both started laughing.  It was a light bulb moment.  We would take her home.  I could put her in the garage and no one would know.  Now we had to keep this quiet as I'm sure my city has some issues with Pigs in garages in the city. 

So we load her up.  I call DH and say I'm bringing the "Rev" home. Bless him he did not even say no.  He has just gotten used to the Green Acres moments and rarely reacts at all any more.  I can't let anything happen to her Dan will have a cow.  ( now Dan has never had a cow but I did not want this to be the first time).  So I call Miss Prissy and tell her get home and help dad get the baby play yard out of the attic. She said HUH? I don't have time to explain your pig is sick.  This kicked her right into action.  I can beg her all day to do something and unless I put "your pig needs it" in front of whatever I want.  Nothing happens.  A pig she will leap tall buildings for.   So here we go.  Now I must tell you its midnight.  So we hook up to the Pig Wagon and load her up.  Now she is really not feeling well.  She barely walks to the Pig Wagon.  We get her in cover her up for the cold ride to the house.

We get there and Sweet Sister in Law #1 is the look out.  The Pig Wagon ramp is lowered and we hustle this sick pig into the garage!  Now I know that this does not sound like a huge operation.  It was, you see I was in my famous pink flamingo PJ's and my birkenstocks and my coat.  This Pig Wagon is lit up like Christmas.  Which is a nice thing as it was Christmas Break.  So we get "Rev" in the garage.  I scrounge up a heater and a lamp(the Elvis lamp, she needed atmosphere you see)!  She can't be in the dark after all she would be scared.  Miss Prissy is worried to death.  So we set up the pig infirmary in the garage.  Miss Priss comes out of the house with Blankets and a flashlight ( not sure why as we did put the Elvis lamp there for the pig ).   Here we go.  Let's hope she's quiet. Miss Priss says " she will be quiet, I'm going to sleep with her.  I said oh no Miss Prissy you will NOT sleep in here with the pig.  Well turns out I was wrong.  She did for 3 days.


So here we are sleeping pig and sleeping Miss Priss in the garage. I really thought Miss Priss would freeze her tushy off and come in but NOPE she did not.  I thought we were going to have to give Miss Priss some carafate but we didn't.  She did use the pig carafate later at a show when she was so nervous she was throwing up.  Thats what she does when she gets nervous she throws up.  It's a family trait.  So "rev" was getting her meds and after a day she started to drink, then she started to eat.  She was up and at it.  Miss Priss was still sleeping with her but did take time out to see Santa. 

Miss Priss and Rev garage sleeping



Notice who has the blanket.  Not Miss Priss!



Time out to see Santa and ask for more YOU GUESSED IT PIGS!

So then Miss Priss informs me "Mom I have to walk her".   UGH O! So we have to decide how to get her out of the garage without anyone seeing us.  So she put the garage door up a little and out they go to the back yard.  This was not a good plan.  Just as Miss Priss and Rev go out there stands the neighbor.  Now said neighbor is a policeman.  I'm thinking "OH HELL" and Miss Priss as calm as you please said HEY and just walked that pig right into the back yard. Our neighbor just kinda stood there looking at her, kinda like he was not sure he was seeing a pig coming out of our garage?  Well the cat is out of the bag or the pig is out of the garage which ever you want to say.  So "Rev" takes a walk.  This is when Jack Branson realizes that OMG MAMA WE GOT A PIG IN OUR YARD.  Yes, Jack we have a pig in out yard.   He wanted to know if it was Mary Hannah's pig.  Like who else's would it be, then he wanted to know if he could ride it.  Ummmm no the pig is sick.  SICK HE SAID, "I'll sit with it."  Great now I have Miss Priss and Whistle Britches wanting to sleep in the garage!

So we have to re-think this pig in the back yard thing as our neighbor nice as he is has BUSTED US!  I'm thinking how much is the fine for livestock in your garage in the city.  Mean while my electric meter is whirring and the pig is toasty in the garage.  Elvis is still shedding light on the subject.  So here we go we decide Miss Priss and I to take the pig thru the utility room out through the kitchen to the patio.  Seems like a good plan right?  Well seems pigs don't walk so well on slick tile with their slick little feet.  Rev made it though with some help from Miss Priss.  We were worried our dogs Ruby and Judge would have a fit and maybe try to eat pork chops but they were just stunned and amazed it think.  They are city dogs you see.  Ruby won't even go out to pee at my mom and dads house in Tennessee without and armed escort.  So they just stared stunned and amazed.  Now DH being the sensitive one says " Dang poor thing, it must be like walking the green mile every day".  I said oh shut up you know this is not and eatin pig.   DH would just laugh and shake his head.


 So here we are we have a pig in the garage and its getting better. We know this because he got "loose" from the baby play yard and ate a whole bag of feed!  Then she set to hiding.  I went out to the garage to "check on the baby" and she was not there.  Now I am an adult and I'm fairly certain she can't take her little hoof and hit the button on the garage door opener, nor do I think that maybe she has taken the stairs to the attic.  The Elvis is broken! The Heater is laying on its side.  ( thank god there was no fire ) Meanwhile I can't find the pig in the garage.  All the sudden is see a box move!  You guessed it she was in the goodwill box eating all the clothing donations!  Oh, lord we are going to get and ulcer again.  She just kinda looked at me and rolled over.  I swear she was asking me to rub her tummy.  So I did!  Well me being me, I decided it was just a fluke and called for Miss Priss to CLEAN THIS DAMN MESS UP! She didn't, she just laughed and rearranged it and took the pig in the kitchen. 

So I decide that we have saved the pig and Dan is happy and tells us we are doing a good job.  What he really wanted to tell us was " my god stop calling me, the pig is fine take it to the barn".   He didn't though he just praised our efforts and pretended to be  impressed we had learned something new.  So we are over the hump so to speak. 

So I break the news to Miss Priss we have to take the pig back to the barn.  She was not happy.  I pull the Pig wagon in at night and load up "rev", miss priss, and sweet sister in law #1.  Off we go.  We back up to unload the baby and OMG she is limping.  Really limping.  What now.  Miss Priss is all worried cause Dan wants this pig back.  So I tell Miss Priss lets wait a day or two.  So for two days Rev does not limp.  She eats and is getting fat and happy.  We go up on the 3rd day and guess what LIMPING PIG!  So I make a decision much to Miss Priss's chagrin.  Pig is going home.  Not my home Dan's home. I called and said she's a jinx and she's limping and if she dies you are going to be mad so I'm on my way.  Now I could almost feel the Dan eye roll.  He said uuhhh huhhh.  That means Denna your nuts but bring her on.

So Miss Priss loads her up.  Limping like her leg is broke.  Off we go.  I drive and hour through Ft. Worth traffic and we pull in.  I tell Dan I'm so sorry I don't know whats wrong but she's limping.  The gate is lowered  and IF I'M LYING I'M DYIN! That pig walked off that trailer and was not limping.  Now Dan is laughing, and looking at me like I have a 3rd eye.  Sweet sister in law #1 and I are swearing on Bibles that the pig was limping.  SHE WAS! I SWEAR! so we put Rev in the barn.  Miss Priss is not happy that we are not loading her  back up but nope I put my foot down on this she's staying with Dan.  He can put her in his garage!

Well we did manage to get back home that trip with out Dan "loading another one up".   I ask him not to long ago.  Does that pig still Limp.  He looked at me and grinned and said NOPE!  Oh well, she's home and I don't have to worry about killing her.  Our track record was not so good with the Dan wants em back babies.  So Rev lives with Dan and is happy and non limping!