I have seen this show advertise and read the stuff in the magazines. I have formed an opinion on this. I usually form opinions on most things but this one I'm excited about. I have a plan. To all of Bills family who are Mormons. I KNOW YOU DON' HAVE MORE THAN ONE WIFE. So I'm not picking on ya'll cause I love you.
This is my hillbilly take on the sister wives thingy. I think its great. There are a few modifications I would need for this to work in my own life. We would need some brother husbands too. I'm going to make a list of the rules I would have in place for the sister wives and brother husbands.
1. 3 brother husbands and 3 sister wives needed.
2. Sister wives and Brother husbands will have at least a Masters Degree and a really really good job.
3. only sister wives and brother husbands will be allowed " relations". No hitting on the real hubbie. He's
mine.
4. No children. I have enough my own self. So if they get pregnant they are just going to have to move out
of the trailer I have provided for them to live in.
5. Sister wives must work , grocery shop, babysit when I ask and do all laundry. They may make their own
schedule. As long as it gets done, I don't care who does it. I would like to have you refrain doing
laundry during my nap time.
6. Brother husbands are in charge of yard work, car stuff, dirty dishes and all home improvement
projects.
7. You will turn your paycheck over to me and you may keep 40% as I am providing you with the nice trailer you will not need to pay rent or buy a home.
8. You will have 7 sick days and 14 vacation days a year but they can not be used if someone else has requested that date for vacation. The only exception is if you are dating one of the other sister wives or brother husbands and ya'll wanna vacation together. I will need notice of this 30 days in advance.
9. You will have Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years off and you may pick one minor Holiday also.
10. If you fail to meet the above requirements or decide to quit being a sister wife or brother husband I will
I will need 30 days notice. If you do not provide said notice you will be billed 50% of your monthly
salary.
Now see this would work. It would be great. So that guy out wherever he lives is going about this all wrong. He could implement my rules and never work again. He could just laze away the days with his real wife and shoot, vacation all the time. I think its a perfect plan. Why didn't I think of this before! I can't believe someone has not tried this. He can only be married to one "real" wife and she can only be married to one "real" hubby. So they need some sister wives and brother husbands~!
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Miss Priss Heads to College!
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| Frank Phillips College Borger, Texas |
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| The Dorm Room! |
So she gets all Graduated and is excited. Summer rolls through. Miss Priss has been buying everything in site that she just has to have for college. I keep telling her there will not be much room. Miss Priss is used to having everything to herself. Just Like My Own has left home and we have Jack but he doesn't take up much space so Miss Priss is just having a princess time.
We start packing. DH is shaking his head. We have a box of shoes, a box of jewelry, a box of makeup, and a box of hair accessories. She has her clothes and all the cool college stuff she has collected. Her daddy has come to Texas to go with us to take her to college. He seems very excited. My hateful self is thinking well hell you lived with her and didn't see kindergarten first day why now. Then I remind myself he's missed alot and is happy to be going. On the plus side he can ride with her and listen to her the whole way to Amarillo.
The day has arrived and we are all getting ready to leave. We are off a little late because DH has court and lets face it someone has to finance the princess. Our faithful dog "Ruby" who is 17 has been sick. She is looking really not well. I had taken her to "Doc" a week ago and he was just trying to get her thru college move out so we would not have to deal with the drama of Miss Priss loosing another companion. So Miss Priss and her Tennessee real daddy take off. DH and myself will bring up the rear at a later time. She says her goodbyes and leaves her little brother ( whom drives her insane and can't wait be be rid of ) in tears. She's crying and he's crying. I'm not crying as I've been trying to get her crap ready all day and watch this dog who is dwindling before my very eyes.
We had decided not to board Ruby. We thought she would be more comfortable here at home. Just Like My Own volunteered to come over and stay with her and generally make sure she was OK. So DH and I are off and its now like 4 p.m. we were supposed to leave at 2 p.m., nothing ever happens on time in our house.
So we are embarking on our journey and we get a long way from home. We decided to stop and eat in Childress, Texas. I leave my phone in the car. We order our food there at the Dairy Queen and DH said "i left my phone in the car should I go get it" . I tell him " nah we aren't going to be here long what can happen". You guessed it. I get back to the car and I have 14 missed calls and DH has 12 from Just Like My Own. OH no, this is not good. I look at DH and say "its the dog". So DH calls Just Like My Own and sure enough Ruby has passed away.
Now when we left that afternoon she was lying in the door way of the bedroom. Miss Priss said her goodbyes and hugged her. I walked by as we were leaving and patted her on the head and said " we will see you Monday". It was not to be. Ruby never got up from that spot.
So Just Like My Own is hysterical. So much for being calm. I have to think between crying. What am I going to do. Ruby has died, she's in my house what to do. DING DING Call our friend James. So I call James and I'm crying and he thinks I've broken something and am trapped in a well or something like that as i can't talk I'm crying so hard. I finally get it across what has happened. James understands as he has had is own dog tragedy this month himself. Well as luck would have it he was right by my house and he would bury her for me. Problem solved.
So now I have to decide, do we tell or not tell. I take the easy course NOT TO TELL MISS PRISS. So I cry all the way to Borger. I called everyone who knew Ruby. We get there and I'm red eyed and swollen. Miss Priss thinking so highly of herself tells me "mom don't cry its going to be OK". oooooooooooooo if she only knew what I knew. So I pretend I'm crying because she's leaving me with an extra room, diminished laundry and no attitude in my house. Hey whatever makes her happy right. Its all about Miss Priss being happy.
So we move her into her nice new dorm room. ( pictured above ) We took two cars full of stuff. I did not think it would fit but she made it fit. Even the 30,000 pieces of jewelry. The room is cute. I'm sure it does not look like that now but it was cute for about a day anyway.
So today we leave. We leave our baby miss priss to the world of college. UGH I'm not sure I like this. Miss Priss is waiting for us to get out so she can go party at the bar. We take her to the bank so she can have a never ending supply of our money. ( she thinks never ending ) We feed her breakfast and take her back to the now home away from home. She tells me not to cry. I was like omg your dog died! So much for not telling her. Well she actually took it pretty well. Better than I though but this sweet preVet major tends to understand losing animals. So we leave Miss Priss at school. So she can party and spend our money and we can worry and call and call and get no answer.
She seems to be doing well. Every now and then i get a message on FB or Text so I know she's alive but I sure do miss her. We all miss Ruby too. So Miss Priss hope you are having fun in just a few short years you have to get a job. Then she will be crying and I'll be headed out to party at the bar. Well not the bar but maybe the super china buffet!
Looking for a house!
Everyone who knows me well knows that I would live in a dark cave if possible. So several years ago, DH and I embarked on a house buying journey. We looked at every house in town so it seems. We looked at older homes, model homes and I kid you not a house with snakes in it. SNAKES! I was mosing around looking at this house I really liked and I though we might have found it. So I turn right into a kiddo room and WHAT THE HELL! SNAKES! LOTS OF THEM! OK so I could not get out fast enough. I practically mowed down DH and the current homeowners going down the stairs. ( I was skinner and faster then ) So I'm standing in the yard and DH (HELLO!) is still looking. Like we are interested, my interested went away as soon as i saw the first snake. So the home owners come out in the yard and they are trying to explain that they are taking the snakes with them. I DON'T CARE! NOT HAPPENING! NO WAY!
The only thing I could even envision was them leaving one behind. Now like snakes I'm equally afraid of mice. Don't believe me ask my ex husband. I once moved out of a house and made him do a complete tear down of a kitchen because there was a little mouse freeway behind the stove. We won't even discuss when Big Roy Auvenshine tore out my celing and there was a snake skin hanging down. Now in all his infinite wisdom Big Roy said, now Denna snakes get rid of mice. Don't care, I think I even said WHAT THE HELL! To Big Roy and he was like up there with Billy Graham in Weakley County Tennessee. He just shook his head and laughed. He was used to my forays into cussin fits! So thats that story. Back to the house looking.
Well needless to say there was no convincing me. No house with snakes. Snakes, mice and now geekos freak me out. Yes, I'm way bigger but they are way creepier. They can slither and scurry off into the fields but NOT IN MY HOUSE OR FUTURE HOUSE. So they lost a sale. I don't even drive by that house anymore. UGH, EEK and Scream.
So we move on to the next one. It is perfect its a "Brady House" complete with Brady staircase and all. DH was not real happy as it had a one ass kitchen. Now we had agreed on a 2 ass kitchen. Now I'm not sure why because my stove is only in the kitchen because without it, well there would be a big hole there. So we had decided on a two ass kitchen. Let me explain the "two ass kitchen". We had been living in a house with a one ass kitchen. That meant that only one person at a time could get in there. You had to lean around and hold one foot to the left to open the refrigerator if anyone else was in the kitchen. DH hated it because he couldn't see the T.V. while he was cooking. Since he provided the only nutrition other than McDonalds in our house, he needed to be able to see the T.V. and so here we were looking at the perrrrrrrfect house. Only it had a one ass kitchen.
My theory was DH had been cooking all this time. Why change a good thing? He could just hand me drinks thru the cut out in the little wall there between the kitchen and dinning room. Problem solved! Well DH was not buyin it. If you know DH he usually always does what I want. I say usually. I really should say 9 out of 10 times. So guess what we put in an offer. It was a steal. The PERFECT and I do mean PURFECT house for me. We would sit in the house and I would envision all the decor. You see I could get into Brady house anytime because I memorized the pass code when the realtor punched it in. Now yes I know this is technically trespassing but hell... who's gonna know. It was a forclosure and those folks weren't coming back.
Then the problem hits. Seems FHA, DNA,VA or one of those A's refused to loan us the money for the house. REFUSED hello we were preapproved. Nope DH says they will not approve the loan because there was not an intact bathroom. Well hello, I'm going to get one in. I'm not moving Miss Priss and Just Like My Own in without a working bathroom. Well no dice! Now the realtor suggested maybe we sneak in and build a working cheapy bathroom just to get the loan started. Sounded good to me I had the secret code. This is when having an attorney as DH sucks. He would have no part of it. I begged and begged. I even threatened to put a toliet in my ownself. This was time #10 I was referring to above. He said NO! Now I was a little shocked that he didn't join right up and stand guard while I put in the toliet. I would have talked Handy Brother in law into helping me. Sister in law #1, Handy Brother in law and I would have had that fixed right up in no time. All DH had to do was be a look out. He would not do it. Would not budge. I don't think I spoke to him for a week.
Then it happend. Some other person with a handy husband bought that house. I was not happy. I came home and told DH, I hope your happy someone else is livin in my dream home with your one ass kitchen and no toliet. He said there will be other houses. REALLY REALLY cause we have looked at every house in town.
So we turned our attention to model homes. Oh they were nice. All decorated and such. We found one we wanted. It was great. Not as great as Brady house but it did have a working toliet and a 2 ass kitchen and DH was happy. So we put in an offer. The offer was accepted and we were ready to go. NOT SO FAST! So after the offer was accepted the owner raised the price 20,000. OMG~ ! can he do that. NOPE, this is where DH being an attorney was going to kick in and work for me. So DH pens a letter on his fancy smancy letter head. Seems the guy realized the couldn't raise the price. SO as my luck being my luck. He said he'd just keep it. Sighssssssssssss! So here we are. We have this little letter that says sell them a house and we can't find one. Now I'm not asking for much. A roof, some walls, and a 2 ass kitchen. In decorator colors of course. Not to happen. So I called the morgage guy and said ... how long is our morgage approval thingy good for and he said, get this you have a week to find a house. If we didn't we were going to have to do all that paperwork, faxing, gathering and overnighting again.
So I'm on a mission! I go to the orginal builder that we had looked at long before Snake, Brady, and one that got away. I walk in and the nice lady said I have the model you looked at and its on the ground. This meant no waiting. I said ok, she wanted to know where DH was. I said he's at work. ( he had no idea i was looking ) So me and my best ever mother in law and her sweet sister go to look at the house. Well the sweet sister borrows the agents shoes. ( i kid you not the agent too them off to walk on the carpet and sweet sister of the mother in law put them on ) OK that was awkward. We moved on to look at the bedroom and bathroom. There it is a big ole shiney deep soaking tub. SOLD! Sweet sister of the best mother in law decided to lay right down in my tub. OMG! WHAT THE HELL! I'll take it anyway. So we leave sweet sister in the tub ( i think people from Washington state are a bit odd. sorry sweet sister of the best mother in law) So something overtakes me. I envision all the houses I've lost. I say I'll take it!
Agent being a very nice lady said " do you want to call DH". I said nope! I'll take it. Called the morgage broker and said "bought a house" and no one is getting this one! Then I called DH and said bought a house. He said WHAT!? I said yep! bought it! Well DH said ( and this is what i love about him ) Whatever you want dear! Woooohooooo I had a house. Finally! There was one issue the inside was all white. No color this I would have to work on. That will be a future of story. So DH and I closed on our brand new house and we moved in and guess what. NO SNAKES! NO MICE! and so far no geekos. See folks DH and I never do anything easy. We are usually fun though and that takes care of the house buying. I'm never moving again.
The only thing I could even envision was them leaving one behind. Now like snakes I'm equally afraid of mice. Don't believe me ask my ex husband. I once moved out of a house and made him do a complete tear down of a kitchen because there was a little mouse freeway behind the stove. We won't even discuss when Big Roy Auvenshine tore out my celing and there was a snake skin hanging down. Now in all his infinite wisdom Big Roy said, now Denna snakes get rid of mice. Don't care, I think I even said WHAT THE HELL! To Big Roy and he was like up there with Billy Graham in Weakley County Tennessee. He just shook his head and laughed. He was used to my forays into cussin fits! So thats that story. Back to the house looking.
Well needless to say there was no convincing me. No house with snakes. Snakes, mice and now geekos freak me out. Yes, I'm way bigger but they are way creepier. They can slither and scurry off into the fields but NOT IN MY HOUSE OR FUTURE HOUSE. So they lost a sale. I don't even drive by that house anymore. UGH, EEK and Scream.
So we move on to the next one. It is perfect its a "Brady House" complete with Brady staircase and all. DH was not real happy as it had a one ass kitchen. Now we had agreed on a 2 ass kitchen. Now I'm not sure why because my stove is only in the kitchen because without it, well there would be a big hole there. So we had decided on a two ass kitchen. Let me explain the "two ass kitchen". We had been living in a house with a one ass kitchen. That meant that only one person at a time could get in there. You had to lean around and hold one foot to the left to open the refrigerator if anyone else was in the kitchen. DH hated it because he couldn't see the T.V. while he was cooking. Since he provided the only nutrition other than McDonalds in our house, he needed to be able to see the T.V. and so here we were looking at the perrrrrrrfect house. Only it had a one ass kitchen.
My theory was DH had been cooking all this time. Why change a good thing? He could just hand me drinks thru the cut out in the little wall there between the kitchen and dinning room. Problem solved! Well DH was not buyin it. If you know DH he usually always does what I want. I say usually. I really should say 9 out of 10 times. So guess what we put in an offer. It was a steal. The PERFECT and I do mean PURFECT house for me. We would sit in the house and I would envision all the decor. You see I could get into Brady house anytime because I memorized the pass code when the realtor punched it in. Now yes I know this is technically trespassing but hell... who's gonna know. It was a forclosure and those folks weren't coming back.
Then the problem hits. Seems FHA, DNA,VA or one of those A's refused to loan us the money for the house. REFUSED hello we were preapproved. Nope DH says they will not approve the loan because there was not an intact bathroom. Well hello, I'm going to get one in. I'm not moving Miss Priss and Just Like My Own in without a working bathroom. Well no dice! Now the realtor suggested maybe we sneak in and build a working cheapy bathroom just to get the loan started. Sounded good to me I had the secret code. This is when having an attorney as DH sucks. He would have no part of it. I begged and begged. I even threatened to put a toliet in my ownself. This was time #10 I was referring to above. He said NO! Now I was a little shocked that he didn't join right up and stand guard while I put in the toliet. I would have talked Handy Brother in law into helping me. Sister in law #1, Handy Brother in law and I would have had that fixed right up in no time. All DH had to do was be a look out. He would not do it. Would not budge. I don't think I spoke to him for a week.
Then it happend. Some other person with a handy husband bought that house. I was not happy. I came home and told DH, I hope your happy someone else is livin in my dream home with your one ass kitchen and no toliet. He said there will be other houses. REALLY REALLY cause we have looked at every house in town.
So we turned our attention to model homes. Oh they were nice. All decorated and such. We found one we wanted. It was great. Not as great as Brady house but it did have a working toliet and a 2 ass kitchen and DH was happy. So we put in an offer. The offer was accepted and we were ready to go. NOT SO FAST! So after the offer was accepted the owner raised the price 20,000. OMG~ ! can he do that. NOPE, this is where DH being an attorney was going to kick in and work for me. So DH pens a letter on his fancy smancy letter head. Seems the guy realized the couldn't raise the price. SO as my luck being my luck. He said he'd just keep it. Sighssssssssssss! So here we are. We have this little letter that says sell them a house and we can't find one. Now I'm not asking for much. A roof, some walls, and a 2 ass kitchen. In decorator colors of course. Not to happen. So I called the morgage guy and said ... how long is our morgage approval thingy good for and he said, get this you have a week to find a house. If we didn't we were going to have to do all that paperwork, faxing, gathering and overnighting again.
So I'm on a mission! I go to the orginal builder that we had looked at long before Snake, Brady, and one that got away. I walk in and the nice lady said I have the model you looked at and its on the ground. This meant no waiting. I said ok, she wanted to know where DH was. I said he's at work. ( he had no idea i was looking ) So me and my best ever mother in law and her sweet sister go to look at the house. Well the sweet sister borrows the agents shoes. ( i kid you not the agent too them off to walk on the carpet and sweet sister of the mother in law put them on ) OK that was awkward. We moved on to look at the bedroom and bathroom. There it is a big ole shiney deep soaking tub. SOLD! Sweet sister of the best mother in law decided to lay right down in my tub. OMG! WHAT THE HELL! I'll take it anyway. So we leave sweet sister in the tub ( i think people from Washington state are a bit odd. sorry sweet sister of the best mother in law) So something overtakes me. I envision all the houses I've lost. I say I'll take it!
Agent being a very nice lady said " do you want to call DH". I said nope! I'll take it. Called the morgage broker and said "bought a house" and no one is getting this one! Then I called DH and said bought a house. He said WHAT!? I said yep! bought it! Well DH said ( and this is what i love about him ) Whatever you want dear! Woooohooooo I had a house. Finally! There was one issue the inside was all white. No color this I would have to work on. That will be a future of story. So DH and I closed on our brand new house and we moved in and guess what. NO SNAKES! NO MICE! and so far no geekos. See folks DH and I never do anything easy. We are usually fun though and that takes care of the house buying. I'm never moving again.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
So now we have them what are we going to do with them?
Child Protective Services has so generously given or "loaned" as it turned out these 2 Beautiful Children. Miss Gabbie and Mr. Blake. Now Gabbie is a cute butterball and Mr. Blake is her "big Brother" and he's taking this seriously. Of course Blake is not potty trained at almost 4 and Miss Gabbie, well she's not been to a doctor in several months. So of course the first call is to Rob. Rob is not really happy anyway because I have taken family leave to stay home with Blake and Gabbie and he's short a nurse.
So its Monday and I get Miss Priss and Just like my own to school. Bill and I are taking Blake and Gabbie to see Dr. Rob. Blake is not sick and has no idea why he needs to go but you know if Gabbie has to go, he's on board. If you know me well, you know i bribed him. So I tell Blake, "if you are nice and behave while we go to the doctor then we will stop at McDonald's on the way home.
Miss Priss calls and she needs to come home, sick at school. Sure she is. She just wants to be where we are today. So we buckle the kiddos in the car. This was well a moment as I had not buckled car seats in years. We pick up the Priss and off we go. The kiddo's get shots and various other "well check things" and Miss Priss is deemed fit to play with the babies and skipping school is proved.
Remember I promised Blake that we would go to McDonald's. So we come home and of course we pass about 357 Golden Arches. Blake is running out of patience at this point. So we are almost home. We pass what is it a golden arch and from the back seat I hear this precious child say ..." Da***T I want to go to Fu****G McDonald's! " Now Miss Priss who is in the backseat between 2 car seats is laughing, sickness forgotten and I do mean rolling with laughter! Of course, I say "huh" and so he says it again " da***t I want Fu****G Mcdonalds! OMG I know my head swiveled around, I yell at Miss Priss to stop laughing. DH is in the passenger seat and he's laughing too. HELLO we have a cusser! Now I'm no sheltered flower. I grew up with a truck driver. I hung out at the diesel mechanic shop, but let me tell you I never heard that from a soon to be 4 year old. OK, I tell him that's not nice and try to ignore the snickers from the passenger seat.
We pull in to the "other" golden arches in our town and I make a huge mistake. I say " Blake what would you like to eat honey". Now the window is down and the speaker is picking up a pin dropping and he replies "I want F*****g Fries, a F*****G chicken nuggets, and a F****** coke. OMG, I almost dropped my teeth right there. Miss Priss is laughing so hard she can't breath, DH is looking a little stunned and I just proceed with my order. Best to ignore it for now I think. So we get our "blessed" meal and off we head home. This would not be our only cursing experience.
So everything rolls along well for a week. Blake and I have had a talk about cursing and he now has a brand new potty that plays trumpets like he's a king when he uses the potty. I'm ecstatic about all the new things I find for kids and he's kinda bored really. Now we have had this week together, case worker has been and deemed me WONDERFUL and the kids cute as bugs. Life is good.
CPS has courts dates with in so long of the children being placed in a foster/adopt home. I did not know this really but DH did and he's not telling me. So we get notice of the court day where we get to go and see the purely crappy mama that ran over a policeman drunk with kiddies in the car. Now Blake has not mentioned drunk mama once. He has however been talking nonstop about is Pappy. He does love his Pappy.
Phone rings and you guessed it. He has an aunt, uncle and pappy. There is also a baby daddy. This does not thrill me. CPS says it should thrill me but well it does not. They tell me that Blake and Gabbie lived with Pappy and that mama took them out of the house without his permission and he is purely beside himself. I'm cynical. Then Blake starts to beg for pappy. I make a promise. I said " Blake no matter what happens Dennie will make sure you get to see your pappy. Happy and non cursing we went to the zoo. This entire 2 weeks had been one big vacation. We did zoo, fossil rim, lots of McDonald's and even had a big birthday party. My family is the best we had a huge birthday party to which every single member of my family showed up with gifts. It was so great that he said "is Santa here". Got to love that.
So we show up in court to see the deadbeat family. Well we get there and CPS is running behind of course. There is one other nice lady there and an elderly gentleman. She was dressed well looked completely normal. I was relieved no deadbeat family. So I sit and get to talking to her cause you all know I'll talk to a fence post. Lightening strikes as she says ... why are you here you look so normal. I laughed and said funny I thought the same thing about you. She lets me know that her niece and nephew have been sent to a foster home and she is worried to death that they have been mistreated or worse. I ask, ummmm what are their names, its dawning on me now. You know the answer is Blake and Gabbie. OMG! This woman is going to take my new babies away and she's so nice. I wanted to hate her, I wanted to say why the hell didn't you take care of them to begin with. DH is telling me to shut up. What am I going to do?
So I look at pappy and say why were they with their drunk mama. He tells me he was at the park with the kids and she just took em. Just grabbed them up and left, nothing he could do. So now I know and my mission changes. Blake is going to see his Pappy if it kills me and its gonna happen today!
Our name is called and we go in front of the nice judge person. Who ask a few questions and completely ignores me. Now you know this is going to making me mad and I'm one second away from kickin into hillbilly. So the nice judge who does not have a clue says, leave the kids in foster care for now, until a home study can be done. HOME STUDY CAN BE DONE! OK they have known about these very normal nice people for 2 weeks. They have not kicked into warp ass speed to get the home study done. OH LORD here comes Hillbilly.
I said as calmly as I can. Whats the problem. The CPS teenage worker who could not have been more than 18. I swear they went to the local graduation picked her out and gave her a job. Well she said, mam ( yes she mam'd me ) this family has a pool. They will need to have locks on the doors leading to the pool before the children can go home. UMMMMMMM OK a lock is 2 bucks and it can be installed in 3 minutes. I rolled my eyes... I know I did. DH pinched me. CPS is wide eyed cause this was not in her manual. The judge kinda grinned and said, Ms. Branson do you have something to say? Now I'm she knew the DH and he's an easy going, well spoken kinda guy. I'm sure she expected the same thing, until I opened my mouth. I said " I do have something to say." " These babies are going home today. I promised Blake he would see his Pappy. By god and greyhound he's going to see his Pappy if I have to give a room to Pappy too. There is no reason Pappy, aunt and uncle can't stop at Lowe's on the way to my house and get a lock." I'm telling you I promised and I keep my promises. I looked at the nice aunt who was crying and the pappy who was grinning and said you better bring a truck they have lots of stuff. Now this is the amazing part. The judge said " I think that's reasonable don't you "? She was looking at little miss CPS and I glaring DARING her to say no. She squeaked out a yes and I was on my way. I had to pack all the crap I had bought for "my new children".
We beat the "family" to our house barely. These were very nice people in a bad situation. I'm standing in the kitchen trying my best to keep it all together. I hear this...Dennie Dennie come here. I say just a minute Blake I'm busy. In reply I get no YOU HAVE TO COME HERE I S**T in the poddie! Trumpets were blaring and he was happy happy! Poor darlin he was happy, aunt and pappy were happy everyone was soooooooooooo happy. Me not so much. DH just helped me pack and didn't say anything. He's pretty good at helping and knowing when not to say anything.
SO we packed it all up. Aunt had an Excursion and we got it all in. I thought we were going to have to make 2 trips. Blake left in his little Texas Rangers baseball cap and Gabbie in her pink ruffle diaper covers and a beautiful dress. They had shown up dirty, sticky and wrapped in an old quilt with holes in it. I ask the aunt if she wanted their things? I had them in the garage they were so stinky. She took one look and said omg what did you think of us. At that point I knew they would be OK. I told Blake not to say bad words and put Gabbies legs on my arm and not around my ear and sent them on their way.
They say the first ones are the hardest! That would not be the case. So if you ever hear anyone say ... I know why people are fostering. Its all that money they get from the State. Just laugh. Laugh really hard and know that I had Blake and Gabbie for 2 weeks. I did receive a check 7 weeks after they left for 400 dollars. That almost covered the doctors visit. So yes sireeee we did it for the big money! The aunt is a sweetie and we got many cards and letters from Blake and Gabbie's family. Seems they had fun and Blake really did think he was just on vacation for 2 weeks. He had no idea of the "bad" situation he was in. Priceless, kids are perfect. Blake's aunt called me a couple of times and they were doing well. Gabbie it turns out is perfect at gymnanstastics. OF COURSE SHE CAN PUT HER FEET ON TOP OF HER HEAD HELLO! and Blake runs around alot yelling I LOVE BUCK SHOWWALTER! Thanks DH for that one. I guess all is well that ends well.
So its Monday and I get Miss Priss and Just like my own to school. Bill and I are taking Blake and Gabbie to see Dr. Rob. Blake is not sick and has no idea why he needs to go but you know if Gabbie has to go, he's on board. If you know me well, you know i bribed him. So I tell Blake, "if you are nice and behave while we go to the doctor then we will stop at McDonald's on the way home.
Miss Priss calls and she needs to come home, sick at school. Sure she is. She just wants to be where we are today. So we buckle the kiddos in the car. This was well a moment as I had not buckled car seats in years. We pick up the Priss and off we go. The kiddo's get shots and various other "well check things" and Miss Priss is deemed fit to play with the babies and skipping school is proved.
Remember I promised Blake that we would go to McDonald's. So we come home and of course we pass about 357 Golden Arches. Blake is running out of patience at this point. So we are almost home. We pass what is it a golden arch and from the back seat I hear this precious child say ..." Da***T I want to go to Fu****G McDonald's! " Now Miss Priss who is in the backseat between 2 car seats is laughing, sickness forgotten and I do mean rolling with laughter! Of course, I say "huh" and so he says it again " da***t I want Fu****G Mcdonalds! OMG I know my head swiveled around, I yell at Miss Priss to stop laughing. DH is in the passenger seat and he's laughing too. HELLO we have a cusser! Now I'm no sheltered flower. I grew up with a truck driver. I hung out at the diesel mechanic shop, but let me tell you I never heard that from a soon to be 4 year old. OK, I tell him that's not nice and try to ignore the snickers from the passenger seat.
We pull in to the "other" golden arches in our town and I make a huge mistake. I say " Blake what would you like to eat honey". Now the window is down and the speaker is picking up a pin dropping and he replies "I want F*****g Fries, a F*****G chicken nuggets, and a F****** coke. OMG, I almost dropped my teeth right there. Miss Priss is laughing so hard she can't breath, DH is looking a little stunned and I just proceed with my order. Best to ignore it for now I think. So we get our "blessed" meal and off we head home. This would not be our only cursing experience.
So everything rolls along well for a week. Blake and I have had a talk about cursing and he now has a brand new potty that plays trumpets like he's a king when he uses the potty. I'm ecstatic about all the new things I find for kids and he's kinda bored really. Now we have had this week together, case worker has been and deemed me WONDERFUL and the kids cute as bugs. Life is good.
CPS has courts dates with in so long of the children being placed in a foster/adopt home. I did not know this really but DH did and he's not telling me. So we get notice of the court day where we get to go and see the purely crappy mama that ran over a policeman drunk with kiddies in the car. Now Blake has not mentioned drunk mama once. He has however been talking nonstop about is Pappy. He does love his Pappy.
Phone rings and you guessed it. He has an aunt, uncle and pappy. There is also a baby daddy. This does not thrill me. CPS says it should thrill me but well it does not. They tell me that Blake and Gabbie lived with Pappy and that mama took them out of the house without his permission and he is purely beside himself. I'm cynical. Then Blake starts to beg for pappy. I make a promise. I said " Blake no matter what happens Dennie will make sure you get to see your pappy. Happy and non cursing we went to the zoo. This entire 2 weeks had been one big vacation. We did zoo, fossil rim, lots of McDonald's and even had a big birthday party. My family is the best we had a huge birthday party to which every single member of my family showed up with gifts. It was so great that he said "is Santa here". Got to love that.
So we show up in court to see the deadbeat family. Well we get there and CPS is running behind of course. There is one other nice lady there and an elderly gentleman. She was dressed well looked completely normal. I was relieved no deadbeat family. So I sit and get to talking to her cause you all know I'll talk to a fence post. Lightening strikes as she says ... why are you here you look so normal. I laughed and said funny I thought the same thing about you. She lets me know that her niece and nephew have been sent to a foster home and she is worried to death that they have been mistreated or worse. I ask, ummmm what are their names, its dawning on me now. You know the answer is Blake and Gabbie. OMG! This woman is going to take my new babies away and she's so nice. I wanted to hate her, I wanted to say why the hell didn't you take care of them to begin with. DH is telling me to shut up. What am I going to do?
So I look at pappy and say why were they with their drunk mama. He tells me he was at the park with the kids and she just took em. Just grabbed them up and left, nothing he could do. So now I know and my mission changes. Blake is going to see his Pappy if it kills me and its gonna happen today!
Our name is called and we go in front of the nice judge person. Who ask a few questions and completely ignores me. Now you know this is going to making me mad and I'm one second away from kickin into hillbilly. So the nice judge who does not have a clue says, leave the kids in foster care for now, until a home study can be done. HOME STUDY CAN BE DONE! OK they have known about these very normal nice people for 2 weeks. They have not kicked into warp ass speed to get the home study done. OH LORD here comes Hillbilly.
I said as calmly as I can. Whats the problem. The CPS teenage worker who could not have been more than 18. I swear they went to the local graduation picked her out and gave her a job. Well she said, mam ( yes she mam'd me ) this family has a pool. They will need to have locks on the doors leading to the pool before the children can go home. UMMMMMMM OK a lock is 2 bucks and it can be installed in 3 minutes. I rolled my eyes... I know I did. DH pinched me. CPS is wide eyed cause this was not in her manual. The judge kinda grinned and said, Ms. Branson do you have something to say? Now I'm she knew the DH and he's an easy going, well spoken kinda guy. I'm sure she expected the same thing, until I opened my mouth. I said " I do have something to say." " These babies are going home today. I promised Blake he would see his Pappy. By god and greyhound he's going to see his Pappy if I have to give a room to Pappy too. There is no reason Pappy, aunt and uncle can't stop at Lowe's on the way to my house and get a lock." I'm telling you I promised and I keep my promises. I looked at the nice aunt who was crying and the pappy who was grinning and said you better bring a truck they have lots of stuff. Now this is the amazing part. The judge said " I think that's reasonable don't you "? She was looking at little miss CPS and I glaring DARING her to say no. She squeaked out a yes and I was on my way. I had to pack all the crap I had bought for "my new children".
We beat the "family" to our house barely. These were very nice people in a bad situation. I'm standing in the kitchen trying my best to keep it all together. I hear this...Dennie Dennie come here. I say just a minute Blake I'm busy. In reply I get no YOU HAVE TO COME HERE I S**T in the poddie! Trumpets were blaring and he was happy happy! Poor darlin he was happy, aunt and pappy were happy everyone was soooooooooooo happy. Me not so much. DH just helped me pack and didn't say anything. He's pretty good at helping and knowing when not to say anything.
SO we packed it all up. Aunt had an Excursion and we got it all in. I thought we were going to have to make 2 trips. Blake left in his little Texas Rangers baseball cap and Gabbie in her pink ruffle diaper covers and a beautiful dress. They had shown up dirty, sticky and wrapped in an old quilt with holes in it. I ask the aunt if she wanted their things? I had them in the garage they were so stinky. She took one look and said omg what did you think of us. At that point I knew they would be OK. I told Blake not to say bad words and put Gabbies legs on my arm and not around my ear and sent them on their way.
They say the first ones are the hardest! That would not be the case. So if you ever hear anyone say ... I know why people are fostering. Its all that money they get from the State. Just laugh. Laugh really hard and know that I had Blake and Gabbie for 2 weeks. I did receive a check 7 weeks after they left for 400 dollars. That almost covered the doctors visit. So yes sireeee we did it for the big money! The aunt is a sweetie and we got many cards and letters from Blake and Gabbie's family. Seems they had fun and Blake really did think he was just on vacation for 2 weeks. He had no idea of the "bad" situation he was in. Priceless, kids are perfect. Blake's aunt called me a couple of times and they were doing well. Gabbie it turns out is perfect at gymnanstastics. OF COURSE SHE CAN PUT HER FEET ON TOP OF HER HEAD HELLO! and Blake runs around alot yelling I LOVE BUCK SHOWWALTER! Thanks DH for that one. I guess all is well that ends well.
Our Brief Foray into the foster care system!
So several years ago, 5 to be exact. Dear Husband and I decided we needed a baby. Now having no parts to procure one I had to look at options. We decided to adopt. Now I'm not sure where that rational came from. The only think I can think of is, I was just plumb nuts. I had Mary Hannah who my DH treated as his own. We had his 2 that well lets just say one was tense and one was like mine. Low and behold everyone could get in the car by themselves and precious Miss Priss was playing softball all over the place, the like my own was in high school and trying to get away with all the crap I already did. Life was good. Unless you ask the"just like my own" and life was never good for her gothy self in high school, bless her heart.
So we decided this adoption thing was for us. Now DH not so sure but I begged, begged some more and pointed all the wonderful things that would happen. He was resigned. DH doesn't like to argue you see. I just usually get a "Yes Dear". Even when I'm spoiling for a good fight I get "yes dear". Now see if my ex husband would have refused to fight with me, well we could still be married. mmmmmmmmmm well thanks be to god he was a fighter too.
So here we are. Showing up to get a baby, omg this was not supposed to be so hard. I was supposed to show up pick one out and go home. I'm good people right. Why did I have to prove I could keep fingers out of electric outlets and feed a child. Look at me I'm fat! the only person concerned about anyone having enough to eat at my house was my daddy. He used to call every Saturday and say " you got plenty of groceries". I always wanted to say "Daddy have you seen me lately". I didn't though I just said "yes daddy I'm fine" and he'd say are you sure and I'd say "yes Daddy I'll let you know if I lose a pound". Then he would launch into keeping my oil changed and enough gas in my car " in case something happened".
So we wait, we paint a room and wait on our background checks to come back. Now I know I have never been in the pokey ( not even close ) but do we really know the DH that we married late in life. ( my mama sue's words not mine ). Well we get the call. I'm thinking this will be no issue after all DH is a lawyer and everyone knows they are normal. ( yeah I'm laughing too ) So the phone rings one Friday afternoon. DH is home because he just sits on his butt all day anyway. HE HAD FAILED HIS BACKGROUND CHECK! OMG, he called me at work down at the JPS Pedi Clinic and didn't even have the guts to talk to me. Talked to Rob. Now any of you that know me very well know Rob. Rob is my best friend and yes he's a man and no I don't have sex with him. It took me 3 years to convince my Mama Sue while yes I love him dearly and would give him a kidney if he needed, I do not sleep with him. OK, now that is settled, DH called Rob. He did this because he know I would throw something at him.
The background check is not good. Seems my DH who I love and gaze at over football, basketball, baseball, hockey and any other sport he can find, is an ARMED ROBBER! Yep, he committed Armed robbery with intent to shoot someone or something like that. I don't know, all I know at this point is I may or may not be married to a serial killer robber person or something like it and all Rob can do is try and tell me calmly. Well girls, boys and maybe others ... I am not calm at this point. I want a baby and being married to a serial killer and not having a uterus is not going to stop me now. So I leave and I go home. FUMING I might add that DH could be a serial killer robber or something. Where was this on his background check I did before I started dating him. ( you can not be too careful and I had a policeman who was my friend so there ya go) Well hell now he's a serial killer robber or something. I am PISSED!
So he meets me at his mama's, the chicken. Leaves Missy Prissy and Almost like my own at home. He didn't want them to know he was a serial killer robber it seems. Well DH and my most wondermus ( most of the time) mother in law are really calm. I have decided I married the wrong family. They are all really calm. I on the other hand am not calm. DH is telling me its going to be ok, he will figure it out. I on the other hand just want to get in the car and go back down to the Tarrant County Sheriff's Department and scream yell and hollar until they do what I want. If you know me, then you know that is what I do. I'm a well fluffy girl, with big red hair and some huge and I do mean huge rocks ( thanks to dear hubby) on my fingers and well I know this will come as a shock but I really don't care what anyone thinks! That usually gets me in all kinda of trouble. Anyway, so DH is calm, mother in law is calm, sister in law #1 comes in and she's calm, Sister in law double #1 ( that would be the second one but i love her and can't make a distinction in sisters in law) well she's calm as a mimosa in the summer. Me I'm nuts and I do mean NUTS!
Well we call the agency person who is CALM. What is with all the calm? I'm married to a bank robber serial killer person and they are not going to let me have a baby with that on my record! So she suggest that we go down to the court house. HELLO he was just there, he works there most days. So we do. Armed with a social security card, drivers license and a birth certificate that says DH was born in Lybia. LYBIA we are screwed. Now, granted it was an air force base but this is after 9-11. LYBIA I'm screwed. We will get back to the Lybia thing at some point because boy did I have fun with my mama over that one before she met him.
So here we are me, the serial killer robber DH and my mama in law. My mama in law she was on a mission and when she's on a mission, you better back up. She is 5 foot nothing of pure mission. Well the nice bored lady see us and says well hello Bill. I'm thinking Hello my ass, I need a baby and you know him and if he is a serial killer robber you better just fix that up. White it out on the report or sumpthing! So after a little small talk, I'm not talking I'm ready to jump that desk and look my own self. She says oh my, the last 2 numbers they put in on your social are wrong......... well thanks be to Jesus. I was not married it seems to Bill Pruett hubbie extraordinaire. I was married to Luis Argumendo, Bank Robber and to top it all off he was 74. Hello did now one read this before they called me. Just set me right off in to Denna Panic for nothing NADA. Did no one cross reference and see that I was married to Bill Pruett not 74 years old. I didn't bring up the Lybia part cause people always look at me funny. Dear mother in law was patting me on the back and DH hubbie was all relieved. I was like why are you so relieved. YOU knew you didn't do it. He said yes but I thought you were going to kill me anyway.
So here we are, background checks done, room done, fee paid and we wait. WAIT, Wait and wait some more. Seems teen moms and drug addicted ladies who are giving their babies away are not in any big hurry. Well I am in a hurry as I am turning 35 you see and well I'm another year closer to dying before my soon to be but not here yet baby arrives or even has the case worker call me from his little crib.
We waited along time. Then we get a call at 2am HELLO can't they wait til morning. Seems Texas CPS has picked up 2 kids and they have no where to take them and they found us. WHAT THE HELL! So they want us to take a wonderful little girl. Girl, I say to DH at 2 am. GIRL I don't want a girl. I have 2 of those, 1 missy prissy and 1 just like my own and even the dog is a girl. No I WANT A BOY and my daddy will take this much better if its a boy! Sorry no. The worn out case worker who is on her last leg says but pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and DH looks at me. Case worker says there is a boy and I know my eyes went around like a roulette wheel about to hit. I said tell her we will take them. DH said bring them on! Case worker said oh ... sorry you don't understand. You are an adoption family and you are only approved for one child. I was like "what the hell". NO we only wanted one but since there are 2 and ones a boy we will take both. She said well its doesn't work that way. DH just hands me the phone because by now I am standing on the bed in my big pink flamingo pj's saying " what the hell" bring me those babies! DH knows there's no use explaining so he just resigns and hands me the phone. Now I know he thought there is no way they are giving her both kids. Not going to happen and no reason for him to panic.
Well I showed him, I was on the phone with the case worker. She said Ms. Pruett err Branson. ( get that all the time) You were not approved for 2 children. She was very calm at that point. Here's kinda how it went.
Caseworker: I'm so sorry but you are only approved for 1 child under 5.
Me: Yes that's all I ask for that's why I'm only approved for 1
Caseworker: I'm really sorry Ms. Branson but I can only place one child the little girl with you
Me: REally Really your going to split these children up because I'm only approved for 1 child really..... call my case worker
Caseworker: Ms. Branson its 2am
Me: yep sure is and you called me and DH so your phone must be working fine CALL HER NOW
Caseworker: Ms. Branson I'm sure you understand...
Me: oh yes I understand its 2 am and you have two babies in nothing but a diaper, taken away from their mama ( even though she was drunk as a skunk and ran over a police car with them in the back) I also understand you have no where to put them now you can solve 2 problems bring them to me and I'll go beat the crap out of drunk mama if she shows up trying to get my 2 babies.
Caseworker: give me 10 minutes to call your worker ( my worker was so darn happy to get a call at 2 am she said yes)
Caseworker called back said I'll be there in an hour.
Then it dawned on me HOUR what the hell. I have to go to the wal-mart. Don't even think i changed out of my pink flamingo jammies and fuzzy slippers to go either NOPE! So I leave DH at home and go to wally world in jammies. I don't know what size diapers I need so i buy one of every size. Clothes omg I don't know how old or big they are so that has to wait. Bottles sippy cups O MY!
So they show up, I though oh they are gonna be so sacred. NOPE this might have been my first rodeo but it wasn't theirs. So we put the exhausted angels to bed. Now Missy Prissy had a softball tourney the next day. SO off we go me and Missy Prissy who has no idea there are babies sleeping in the next room. We leave Bill here to take care of the babies. Now I say babies one was Miss Gabbie who had been left in a baby swing her whole 18 months could throw her hips behind her ears her muscles were so loose and Blake. Blake wooooooo that 3 year old could cuss. He even had me beat.
So DH shows up at the ball park with Blake and Gabbie. Love her like my own is still in bed. I said DH did you get them a good breakfast. DH said and I kid you not .... sure we had ICE CREAM. I look at him again ice cream? Now very dear friend Kim Williams was standing there and I hear her snicker. She knows DH well. Ice cream. He said yes they had a hard night and if they want ice cream they can have it. I just shrugged made sense I guess. Didn't matter we had small people again. Just as I ordered they were ball park ready. Now to just wade through weeks of mumbo jumbo because like IDIOTS we had done a favor for Texas CPS. Even our case worker bless her loving heart Kimberly Bielski was shaking her head in wonder and saying Are you nuts. Have you lost your mind. I was like NO. leave me alone.
And so it began........
So we decided this adoption thing was for us. Now DH not so sure but I begged, begged some more and pointed all the wonderful things that would happen. He was resigned. DH doesn't like to argue you see. I just usually get a "Yes Dear". Even when I'm spoiling for a good fight I get "yes dear". Now see if my ex husband would have refused to fight with me, well we could still be married. mmmmmmmmmm well thanks be to god he was a fighter too.
So here we are. Showing up to get a baby, omg this was not supposed to be so hard. I was supposed to show up pick one out and go home. I'm good people right. Why did I have to prove I could keep fingers out of electric outlets and feed a child. Look at me I'm fat! the only person concerned about anyone having enough to eat at my house was my daddy. He used to call every Saturday and say " you got plenty of groceries". I always wanted to say "Daddy have you seen me lately". I didn't though I just said "yes daddy I'm fine" and he'd say are you sure and I'd say "yes Daddy I'll let you know if I lose a pound". Then he would launch into keeping my oil changed and enough gas in my car " in case something happened".
So we wait, we paint a room and wait on our background checks to come back. Now I know I have never been in the pokey ( not even close ) but do we really know the DH that we married late in life. ( my mama sue's words not mine ). Well we get the call. I'm thinking this will be no issue after all DH is a lawyer and everyone knows they are normal. ( yeah I'm laughing too ) So the phone rings one Friday afternoon. DH is home because he just sits on his butt all day anyway. HE HAD FAILED HIS BACKGROUND CHECK! OMG, he called me at work down at the JPS Pedi Clinic and didn't even have the guts to talk to me. Talked to Rob. Now any of you that know me very well know Rob. Rob is my best friend and yes he's a man and no I don't have sex with him. It took me 3 years to convince my Mama Sue while yes I love him dearly and would give him a kidney if he needed, I do not sleep with him. OK, now that is settled, DH called Rob. He did this because he know I would throw something at him.
The background check is not good. Seems my DH who I love and gaze at over football, basketball, baseball, hockey and any other sport he can find, is an ARMED ROBBER! Yep, he committed Armed robbery with intent to shoot someone or something like that. I don't know, all I know at this point is I may or may not be married to a serial killer robber person or something like it and all Rob can do is try and tell me calmly. Well girls, boys and maybe others ... I am not calm at this point. I want a baby and being married to a serial killer and not having a uterus is not going to stop me now. So I leave and I go home. FUMING I might add that DH could be a serial killer robber or something. Where was this on his background check I did before I started dating him. ( you can not be too careful and I had a policeman who was my friend so there ya go) Well hell now he's a serial killer robber or something. I am PISSED!
So he meets me at his mama's, the chicken. Leaves Missy Prissy and Almost like my own at home. He didn't want them to know he was a serial killer robber it seems. Well DH and my most wondermus ( most of the time) mother in law are really calm. I have decided I married the wrong family. They are all really calm. I on the other hand am not calm. DH is telling me its going to be ok, he will figure it out. I on the other hand just want to get in the car and go back down to the Tarrant County Sheriff's Department and scream yell and hollar until they do what I want. If you know me, then you know that is what I do. I'm a well fluffy girl, with big red hair and some huge and I do mean huge rocks ( thanks to dear hubby) on my fingers and well I know this will come as a shock but I really don't care what anyone thinks! That usually gets me in all kinda of trouble. Anyway, so DH is calm, mother in law is calm, sister in law #1 comes in and she's calm, Sister in law double #1 ( that would be the second one but i love her and can't make a distinction in sisters in law) well she's calm as a mimosa in the summer. Me I'm nuts and I do mean NUTS!
Well we call the agency person who is CALM. What is with all the calm? I'm married to a bank robber serial killer person and they are not going to let me have a baby with that on my record! So she suggest that we go down to the court house. HELLO he was just there, he works there most days. So we do. Armed with a social security card, drivers license and a birth certificate that says DH was born in Lybia. LYBIA we are screwed. Now, granted it was an air force base but this is after 9-11. LYBIA I'm screwed. We will get back to the Lybia thing at some point because boy did I have fun with my mama over that one before she met him.
So here we are me, the serial killer robber DH and my mama in law. My mama in law she was on a mission and when she's on a mission, you better back up. She is 5 foot nothing of pure mission. Well the nice bored lady see us and says well hello Bill. I'm thinking Hello my ass, I need a baby and you know him and if he is a serial killer robber you better just fix that up. White it out on the report or sumpthing! So after a little small talk, I'm not talking I'm ready to jump that desk and look my own self. She says oh my, the last 2 numbers they put in on your social are wrong......... well thanks be to Jesus. I was not married it seems to Bill Pruett hubbie extraordinaire. I was married to Luis Argumendo, Bank Robber and to top it all off he was 74. Hello did now one read this before they called me. Just set me right off in to Denna Panic for nothing NADA. Did no one cross reference and see that I was married to Bill Pruett not 74 years old. I didn't bring up the Lybia part cause people always look at me funny. Dear mother in law was patting me on the back and DH hubbie was all relieved. I was like why are you so relieved. YOU knew you didn't do it. He said yes but I thought you were going to kill me anyway.
So here we are, background checks done, room done, fee paid and we wait. WAIT, Wait and wait some more. Seems teen moms and drug addicted ladies who are giving their babies away are not in any big hurry. Well I am in a hurry as I am turning 35 you see and well I'm another year closer to dying before my soon to be but not here yet baby arrives or even has the case worker call me from his little crib.
We waited along time. Then we get a call at 2am HELLO can't they wait til morning. Seems Texas CPS has picked up 2 kids and they have no where to take them and they found us. WHAT THE HELL! So they want us to take a wonderful little girl. Girl, I say to DH at 2 am. GIRL I don't want a girl. I have 2 of those, 1 missy prissy and 1 just like my own and even the dog is a girl. No I WANT A BOY and my daddy will take this much better if its a boy! Sorry no. The worn out case worker who is on her last leg says but pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and DH looks at me. Case worker says there is a boy and I know my eyes went around like a roulette wheel about to hit. I said tell her we will take them. DH said bring them on! Case worker said oh ... sorry you don't understand. You are an adoption family and you are only approved for one child. I was like "what the hell". NO we only wanted one but since there are 2 and ones a boy we will take both. She said well its doesn't work that way. DH just hands me the phone because by now I am standing on the bed in my big pink flamingo pj's saying " what the hell" bring me those babies! DH knows there's no use explaining so he just resigns and hands me the phone. Now I know he thought there is no way they are giving her both kids. Not going to happen and no reason for him to panic.
Well I showed him, I was on the phone with the case worker. She said Ms. Pruett err Branson. ( get that all the time) You were not approved for 2 children. She was very calm at that point. Here's kinda how it went.
Caseworker: I'm so sorry but you are only approved for 1 child under 5.
Me: Yes that's all I ask for that's why I'm only approved for 1
Caseworker: I'm really sorry Ms. Branson but I can only place one child the little girl with you
Me: REally Really your going to split these children up because I'm only approved for 1 child really..... call my case worker
Caseworker: Ms. Branson its 2am
Me: yep sure is and you called me and DH so your phone must be working fine CALL HER NOW
Caseworker: Ms. Branson I'm sure you understand...
Me: oh yes I understand its 2 am and you have two babies in nothing but a diaper, taken away from their mama ( even though she was drunk as a skunk and ran over a police car with them in the back) I also understand you have no where to put them now you can solve 2 problems bring them to me and I'll go beat the crap out of drunk mama if she shows up trying to get my 2 babies.
Caseworker: give me 10 minutes to call your worker ( my worker was so darn happy to get a call at 2 am she said yes)
Caseworker called back said I'll be there in an hour.
Then it dawned on me HOUR what the hell. I have to go to the wal-mart. Don't even think i changed out of my pink flamingo jammies and fuzzy slippers to go either NOPE! So I leave DH at home and go to wally world in jammies. I don't know what size diapers I need so i buy one of every size. Clothes omg I don't know how old or big they are so that has to wait. Bottles sippy cups O MY!
So they show up, I though oh they are gonna be so sacred. NOPE this might have been my first rodeo but it wasn't theirs. So we put the exhausted angels to bed. Now Missy Prissy had a softball tourney the next day. SO off we go me and Missy Prissy who has no idea there are babies sleeping in the next room. We leave Bill here to take care of the babies. Now I say babies one was Miss Gabbie who had been left in a baby swing her whole 18 months could throw her hips behind her ears her muscles were so loose and Blake. Blake wooooooo that 3 year old could cuss. He even had me beat.
So DH shows up at the ball park with Blake and Gabbie. Love her like my own is still in bed. I said DH did you get them a good breakfast. DH said and I kid you not .... sure we had ICE CREAM. I look at him again ice cream? Now very dear friend Kim Williams was standing there and I hear her snicker. She knows DH well. Ice cream. He said yes they had a hard night and if they want ice cream they can have it. I just shrugged made sense I guess. Didn't matter we had small people again. Just as I ordered they were ball park ready. Now to just wade through weeks of mumbo jumbo because like IDIOTS we had done a favor for Texas CPS. Even our case worker bless her loving heart Kimberly Bielski was shaking her head in wonder and saying Are you nuts. Have you lost your mind. I was like NO. leave me alone.
And so it began........
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Sweet Little Mitzie!
Well if you get to know me through my blog or if you know me anyway, you know we are dog and cat people. We generally just like animals period. This much to my mothers unhappiness. It was now August and summer was coming to and end. Mary Hannah had not made many friends. She had been hanging out with me, sister in law #1(aka Tracey) and her children Taylor and Bradon. So I talked sparklie somewhat getting older boyfriend to go with me to the Humane Society. Now in Tennessee it was just a "pound". Here in Ft. Worth it was the humane society. I decided maybe just maybe I could afford a cat. I had about $300 left in checking and the savings was a non issue after all the electric bills. I sat lil priss down and said "now we are going to go and look for a cat we can't afford a dog". She smile and said OK. Wow that kid has never been dumb.
So we pull up to the Humane Society. We go in. Miss Priss aka Mary Hannah said can we just look at the puppies. I figure what can one little look hurt. She understands we can't afford a dog. So we go into the puppy dog area. Low and behold there she was Mitzie. Scruffy little somthing. She was cute. Miss Priss firmly stated I WANT THAT ONE. I told her " now Mary Hannah I told you we can't get a dog. Mom is going to work soon and then we will get a dog. Well hell , Mitzie with her little pitiful self licked my hand right then. I looked at Bill ( sparklie almost not quite new boyfriend ) he just laughed. So, I said how much can a dog cost right.
In Tennessee you go to the pound pay about 20 bucks or so and you have a dog. Not in Texas. Not at the Humane Society. So I inquire about Mitzie. She's 85 bucks! omg ok will I had 35 dollars in my wallet and sparklie had about 20. NOT ENOUGH. So I send sparklie down to the ATM on the corner. (this was not a good neighborhood) while I wait with miss prissy and Mitzie. Calculating how much some Science Diet is going to cost. The nice humane society lady comes in and I fill out the paperwork. People have to fill out less paperwork to go into the White House. I'm just sayin. So we get all that done and we leave with the dog. We stop at Pet Smart. My first trip to a fancy dog food store. We buy all the things required for this dog. We get back to our cubicle apartment. I had not paid a pet deposit. So now I'm hoping Mitzie is not a yapper. Now the "society" told us she was potty trained and about 5 years old. She promptly pees in the floor of the living room. NICE!
So we take Mitzie back to the Pet Smart to get groomed. We leave her and I'm taking Miss Prissy out to eat. Sparklie had gone to pick up his children for their visitation night. Well we go back to pick up Mitzie and she is crying. Barking and having a fit. Eyes are running and its a mess. We have to go to the vet. So I ask the groomer, who didn't look old enough to be a cashier where the vet is. There was a 24 hr. vet just down the road she said. She gave me directions and I was like ummm how do I get there from the Star Telegram. She had no idea. So here we go crying child, crying dog with her head stuck out the window in the big caddie to the all night vet. Three wrong turns later, a mess up on the south freeway where i had to drive over the big bridge in the mixmaster and we were there. This was not going to be cheap.
We get to the all night vet and well you guessed it The Pet Smart had burned off her cornea's ... or something that cost like that anyway. So I get Mitzie, the meds and the crying miss prissy gathered up. I go the front desk and explain what has happened and check to see how much the bill is. Well low and behold more than I had. You saw this coming right? So I hand my handy dandy debit card to the cashier and tell her start at what I owe you and go back. While she's trying to find a number that the card will take, I'm calling sparkles. Well sparkles is at dinner with his offspring. I tell him I need help fast. Well he's way over in some place I can't get to by way of The Ranch Style Bean factory. So he talks to the nice cashier and I have no idea how he did it but he convinced her to let me leave with the poor dog. He told her he would be in to take care of it in the morning. The girl looked at me like I was kinda of pitiful and said honey where are you from. I was like ummmm Tennessee why. She said with an accent like that you can't be a crook. I just smiled and said see you tomorrow. I was like OK your stupid but thanks. Sparklie went and paid the bill the next day and I was out of hock.
Well Mitzie it turns out was not 5 she was about 14 and she only lived a few years after that but she was Miss Prissy's constant companion. She was worth way more than what she cost me. It was a sad day when we had to take her to the vet for her to be put to sleep. How do you explain that one to a small missy prissy when she knows she's not really asleep. Well Mitzie was a good dog and we loved her. She had a very eventful few years with us anyway.
So we pull up to the Humane Society. We go in. Miss Priss aka Mary Hannah said can we just look at the puppies. I figure what can one little look hurt. She understands we can't afford a dog. So we go into the puppy dog area. Low and behold there she was Mitzie. Scruffy little somthing. She was cute. Miss Priss firmly stated I WANT THAT ONE. I told her " now Mary Hannah I told you we can't get a dog. Mom is going to work soon and then we will get a dog. Well hell , Mitzie with her little pitiful self licked my hand right then. I looked at Bill ( sparklie almost not quite new boyfriend ) he just laughed. So, I said how much can a dog cost right.
In Tennessee you go to the pound pay about 20 bucks or so and you have a dog. Not in Texas. Not at the Humane Society. So I inquire about Mitzie. She's 85 bucks! omg ok will I had 35 dollars in my wallet and sparklie had about 20. NOT ENOUGH. So I send sparklie down to the ATM on the corner. (this was not a good neighborhood) while I wait with miss prissy and Mitzie. Calculating how much some Science Diet is going to cost. The nice humane society lady comes in and I fill out the paperwork. People have to fill out less paperwork to go into the White House. I'm just sayin. So we get all that done and we leave with the dog. We stop at Pet Smart. My first trip to a fancy dog food store. We buy all the things required for this dog. We get back to our cubicle apartment. I had not paid a pet deposit. So now I'm hoping Mitzie is not a yapper. Now the "society" told us she was potty trained and about 5 years old. She promptly pees in the floor of the living room. NICE!
So we take Mitzie back to the Pet Smart to get groomed. We leave her and I'm taking Miss Prissy out to eat. Sparklie had gone to pick up his children for their visitation night. Well we go back to pick up Mitzie and she is crying. Barking and having a fit. Eyes are running and its a mess. We have to go to the vet. So I ask the groomer, who didn't look old enough to be a cashier where the vet is. There was a 24 hr. vet just down the road she said. She gave me directions and I was like ummm how do I get there from the Star Telegram. She had no idea. So here we go crying child, crying dog with her head stuck out the window in the big caddie to the all night vet. Three wrong turns later, a mess up on the south freeway where i had to drive over the big bridge in the mixmaster and we were there. This was not going to be cheap.
We get to the all night vet and well you guessed it The Pet Smart had burned off her cornea's ... or something that cost like that anyway. So I get Mitzie, the meds and the crying miss prissy gathered up. I go the front desk and explain what has happened and check to see how much the bill is. Well low and behold more than I had. You saw this coming right? So I hand my handy dandy debit card to the cashier and tell her start at what I owe you and go back. While she's trying to find a number that the card will take, I'm calling sparkles. Well sparkles is at dinner with his offspring. I tell him I need help fast. Well he's way over in some place I can't get to by way of The Ranch Style Bean factory. So he talks to the nice cashier and I have no idea how he did it but he convinced her to let me leave with the poor dog. He told her he would be in to take care of it in the morning. The girl looked at me like I was kinda of pitiful and said honey where are you from. I was like ummmm Tennessee why. She said with an accent like that you can't be a crook. I just smiled and said see you tomorrow. I was like OK your stupid but thanks. Sparklie went and paid the bill the next day and I was out of hock.
Well Mitzie it turns out was not 5 she was about 14 and she only lived a few years after that but she was Miss Prissy's constant companion. She was worth way more than what she cost me. It was a sad day when we had to take her to the vet for her to be put to sleep. How do you explain that one to a small missy prissy when she knows she's not really asleep. Well Mitzie was a good dog and we loved her. She had a very eventful few years with us anyway.
My first Texas Summer! It's HOT!
So it was my first Texas summer. Now in Tennessee we have some heat and that wet humidity stuff. I was told in Texas it gets hot but no worries its a dry hot! They lied. So its June and I'm living in my box called an apartment with about a 1000 other people. Its nice out. Not sticky and never got above 98. Wow I can do this! This is not so bad. I had taken the whole summer off for the first time in my life to spend with Mary Hannah. We I got another person in the bargain. Turns out my almost new sparklie boyfriend had sister in laws. Now my history with sister in laws had not been so good to this point. I was not sure what to expect. Low and behold I'm not the one hard to get along with. It was the ex sister in law all along. These new girls loved me! I loved them too. Now future sis in law #1 was a school teacher! wooooohoooooo I had a friend to spend the summer with. We layed by the pool. I had a beautiful tan for the first and only time in my life. Girls I know it is not healthy but fat just looks better tan. Then July came, or as I like to call it ... The Day HELL woke up! I woke up on July 2 and OH MY GOD it was 112 degrees outside. Thats ok I can do this. Turned the air down to 50. Its going to be fine. So I decided to be a good girlfriend and invite over the future relatives. Fun people and easy to get along with. We ate and I don't know took the kids down to the pool I think. My sweet wonderful future brother in law ask...whats that air set on. I said oh .... 50 but its really hot in here. He just laughed. I had no idea what was so funny because as a southerner i was humidifying the entire neighborhood. ( southerners don't sweat we humidify) Everyone lookded a me funny and I was like WHAT! They just laughed.
July 5th its HOT, I got my groceries up 3 flights of stairs. All I could think about is my air is on 50. When I get in it will be cool. Guess what? Air on 50 steady hum of my monthy bill going up up up and its 80 degrees in my apartment. How can this be? Its on 50 says right there 5-0. So I call sparklie boyfriend who is sitting in his nice big chair in his nice cool office ( thats what lawyers do they sit in big chairs dont' let em fool ya). He said now darlin it does not matter how low you turn the air. Its to hot, the thing can't keep up with the outside air temp. Oh soooooooooooooo now he decides he is the keeper of all things air conditioning. He comes right in and turns the air to 72. WHAT! 72 I'm melting here! Well with his keen eye of observation and all things hot as HELL. He explains, the air condtioner can't keep up with the air temp it is to hot outside. What the hell! My air conditioner in Tennessee kept me cool. Always a steady 72 in the summer. What the HELL. He laughed and said your bill is going to be high. Boy he wasn't just whistling dixie it was 445.00 that month and the apartment was the size of my living room in Tennessee! Did I mention it was still hot?
August approaches and I'm cleaning up the cracker box one day. I feel a blast of 197 degree heat! Now it was easy for me to feel this breeze as Mary Hannah and I had decided it was better to just roam around in our underwear. This was cooler. So it was a summer of underwear and bathing suits. So I feel this rush of air from the broiling oven outside and low and behold right behind my T.V. the window was OPEN. OPEN I don't mean just cracked I mean OPEN. Well no wonder my electric bill was so high I was trying to cool the entire state of Texas. So I called Mary Hannah over and said baby we don't live in hell the window is open. She as usual was unimpressed! My new friend sister in law #1 was impressed! She could not believe we had not noticed. Future sister in law # 1 is from Texas and never really seemed hot at all though when I was melting she was comfy. Go figure.
I slammed that window shut so hard it rattled. Ran over to the little thingy on the wall and turned it to 50! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh with in 2 hours I had icicles on the light fixtures. It was great. I did not care about TXU. (electric company) I was a happy camper! I was so cool I actually put on some clothes. Weather man would say hot hot hot in Texas and I was fine because I closed the WINDOW!
So sparklie boyfriend comes over and says ... wow its cool in here. That was the first time I realized sparklie boyfriend is really really smart. He may know how to get you divorced, sued and probated but HELL he knows not one darn thing about air conditioning! So Mary Hannah and I made it the rest of the summer. Our little dog was happy to be lounging in the cool 70 degree box also. I guess since I mentioned Mitize I'll need to tell you about her in our next blog. Mitzie was a great dog.
until tomorrow!
July 5th its HOT, I got my groceries up 3 flights of stairs. All I could think about is my air is on 50. When I get in it will be cool. Guess what? Air on 50 steady hum of my monthy bill going up up up and its 80 degrees in my apartment. How can this be? Its on 50 says right there 5-0. So I call sparklie boyfriend who is sitting in his nice big chair in his nice cool office ( thats what lawyers do they sit in big chairs dont' let em fool ya). He said now darlin it does not matter how low you turn the air. Its to hot, the thing can't keep up with the outside air temp. Oh soooooooooooooo now he decides he is the keeper of all things air conditioning. He comes right in and turns the air to 72. WHAT! 72 I'm melting here! Well with his keen eye of observation and all things hot as HELL. He explains, the air condtioner can't keep up with the air temp it is to hot outside. What the hell! My air conditioner in Tennessee kept me cool. Always a steady 72 in the summer. What the HELL. He laughed and said your bill is going to be high. Boy he wasn't just whistling dixie it was 445.00 that month and the apartment was the size of my living room in Tennessee! Did I mention it was still hot?
August approaches and I'm cleaning up the cracker box one day. I feel a blast of 197 degree heat! Now it was easy for me to feel this breeze as Mary Hannah and I had decided it was better to just roam around in our underwear. This was cooler. So it was a summer of underwear and bathing suits. So I feel this rush of air from the broiling oven outside and low and behold right behind my T.V. the window was OPEN. OPEN I don't mean just cracked I mean OPEN. Well no wonder my electric bill was so high I was trying to cool the entire state of Texas. So I called Mary Hannah over and said baby we don't live in hell the window is open. She as usual was unimpressed! My new friend sister in law #1 was impressed! She could not believe we had not noticed. Future sister in law # 1 is from Texas and never really seemed hot at all though when I was melting she was comfy. Go figure.
I slammed that window shut so hard it rattled. Ran over to the little thingy on the wall and turned it to 50! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh with in 2 hours I had icicles on the light fixtures. It was great. I did not care about TXU. (electric company) I was a happy camper! I was so cool I actually put on some clothes. Weather man would say hot hot hot in Texas and I was fine because I closed the WINDOW!
So sparklie boyfriend comes over and says ... wow its cool in here. That was the first time I realized sparklie boyfriend is really really smart. He may know how to get you divorced, sued and probated but HELL he knows not one darn thing about air conditioning! So Mary Hannah and I made it the rest of the summer. Our little dog was happy to be lounging in the cool 70 degree box also. I guess since I mentioned Mitize I'll need to tell you about her in our next blog. Mitzie was a great dog.
until tomorrow!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
So it starts Observations of a Displaced Tennessean!
Well I decided to start a new blog. Never blogged before and had no idea or as somefolks in Texas say "IDEAL" where to start. ( I hate that by the way the ideal thing for idea ) I wanted this blog to be kinda funny, kinda enlightening and well just plain interesting! So far we don't have much now do we readers. It all started 12 years ago when I moved from my hometown of Sharon, Tennessee, to big old Texas! Now I know I know everything is better here in Texas. I was in the state about 3 second when I was enlightened. Did you know Texas could be its own country? Yep can be split in to 4 states, Did you know that the Texas flag can be flown at the same height as the American flag and woooweeee try our barbque its much better than yours. Now I don't know much about flags flyin and countrys being made, but I do know bar b que and throwin on some chicken is not bar b que. Its grillin. Plain and simple grillin. Now not that I don't like it mind you but its grillin.
Now that we have all that settled lets look at this river. Oh my sparklie new boyfriend told me that I would love the river. I'd feel right as home. Now boyfriend is not really sparklie new. I'd had him for oh about a year. So he takes me to the "river". This "river" the Trinity that runs right through Ft. Worth well its a ditch. Plain and simple a ditch. I even saw some tires in it. Now you Texas natives don't be offended it is a river and it does carry water. I'm used to the Mississippi and well compared, its a ditch.
I've been in Texas for awhile now as i said earlier and well I like it. I went home to Tennessee and I had seen the movie that was playing ( thats what we say in Tennessee "Playin"). So the only thing left was to go to "The Wal-Mart". This is where i promptly ran into EX husband and well we both tried to hide. Didn't happen as I ran into everyone I have ever known. Some who clearly didn't chose me in the the big D and i don't mean Dallas.
The first 6 months of this "adventure", thats what I told my daugher we were on. I didn't want to drag her screaming to the car, so I had to tell her something. Like all good parents I lied. So now I live in Ft. Worth, Texas population more than I had ever seen before. It never dawned on me that OH MY GOD, I have to drive in this traffic. Now the background of this is in Sharon, Tennessee we have one stop light and it blinks. Thats it! Highway 22 and Highway 45 one blinking light. This was going to be a challenge. So almost new sparlie boyfriend decided to help me learn. So we leave the apartment complex that held more people than my previous town's population, in my big ole sparklie Caddie! ( I loved that Caddie all white and not a scuff on it ) I got one piece of advice, anticipate your exits. What the hell .... anticipate my exits. I don't even know where I'm going. I learned so fast. Just leave on the Tennessee plates and go. Its a big Caddie and in it is a girl with big hair and they will move. Just put on your blinker (thats Tennessean for turn signal) and go. They move. They move really fast. I guess they figured I had nothing to loose.
So now that I had the driving part down. I just needed a few landmarks. I 35WN or ES or whatever and east loop 820 was really I 20 and there was some other mysterious things called the south freeway and the north freeway which I later learned was really I 35. They have 2 names for everything here and no landmarks! I was screwed. Oh but wait! I quickly found my landmarks, the Ranchstyle Bean Factory, Miller Brewery, JPS hospital and the Ft. Worth skyline. I am so set. If i wanted to go anywhere I just had to drive to the sign that said Abline over by the Ft. Worth Star Telegram and go from there. Now sometimes this was tricky. All and all I was very proud of myself. Then it happend, I had to go somewhere, and the person giving me directions didn't know where my landmarks were. It was a mess! Sometimes as I'm speeding over to Dallas, out to Abline or over to Waco in my big old gas guzzler SUV ( I tend to need a big car as I'm fluffy and it makes me look smaller) I can not belive I have come this far. I can actually eat, talk, honk, listen to the radio and mouth off at other drivers all while gliding down I-35SW whiich I now know is the SOUTH FREEWAY!
Now that we have all that settled lets look at this river. Oh my sparklie new boyfriend told me that I would love the river. I'd feel right as home. Now boyfriend is not really sparklie new. I'd had him for oh about a year. So he takes me to the "river". This "river" the Trinity that runs right through Ft. Worth well its a ditch. Plain and simple a ditch. I even saw some tires in it. Now you Texas natives don't be offended it is a river and it does carry water. I'm used to the Mississippi and well compared, its a ditch.
I've been in Texas for awhile now as i said earlier and well I like it. I went home to Tennessee and I had seen the movie that was playing ( thats what we say in Tennessee "Playin"). So the only thing left was to go to "The Wal-Mart". This is where i promptly ran into EX husband and well we both tried to hide. Didn't happen as I ran into everyone I have ever known. Some who clearly didn't chose me in the the big D and i don't mean Dallas.
The first 6 months of this "adventure", thats what I told my daugher we were on. I didn't want to drag her screaming to the car, so I had to tell her something. Like all good parents I lied. So now I live in Ft. Worth, Texas population more than I had ever seen before. It never dawned on me that OH MY GOD, I have to drive in this traffic. Now the background of this is in Sharon, Tennessee we have one stop light and it blinks. Thats it! Highway 22 and Highway 45 one blinking light. This was going to be a challenge. So almost new sparlie boyfriend decided to help me learn. So we leave the apartment complex that held more people than my previous town's population, in my big ole sparklie Caddie! ( I loved that Caddie all white and not a scuff on it ) I got one piece of advice, anticipate your exits. What the hell .... anticipate my exits. I don't even know where I'm going. I learned so fast. Just leave on the Tennessee plates and go. Its a big Caddie and in it is a girl with big hair and they will move. Just put on your blinker (thats Tennessean for turn signal) and go. They move. They move really fast. I guess they figured I had nothing to loose.
So now that I had the driving part down. I just needed a few landmarks. I 35WN or ES or whatever and east loop 820 was really I 20 and there was some other mysterious things called the south freeway and the north freeway which I later learned was really I 35. They have 2 names for everything here and no landmarks! I was screwed. Oh but wait! I quickly found my landmarks, the Ranchstyle Bean Factory, Miller Brewery, JPS hospital and the Ft. Worth skyline. I am so set. If i wanted to go anywhere I just had to drive to the sign that said Abline over by the Ft. Worth Star Telegram and go from there. Now sometimes this was tricky. All and all I was very proud of myself. Then it happend, I had to go somewhere, and the person giving me directions didn't know where my landmarks were. It was a mess! Sometimes as I'm speeding over to Dallas, out to Abline or over to Waco in my big old gas guzzler SUV ( I tend to need a big car as I'm fluffy and it makes me look smaller) I can not belive I have come this far. I can actually eat, talk, honk, listen to the radio and mouth off at other drivers all while gliding down I-35SW whiich I now know is the SOUTH FREEWAY!
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