So it was my first Texas summer. Now in Tennessee we have some heat and that wet humidity stuff. I was told in Texas it gets hot but no worries its a dry hot! They lied. So its June and I'm living in my box called an apartment with about a 1000 other people. Its nice out. Not sticky and never got above 98. Wow I can do this! This is not so bad. I had taken the whole summer off for the first time in my life to spend with Mary Hannah. We I got another person in the bargain. Turns out my almost new sparklie boyfriend had sister in laws. Now my history with sister in laws had not been so good to this point. I was not sure what to expect. Low and behold I'm not the one hard to get along with. It was the ex sister in law all along. These new girls loved me! I loved them too. Now future sis in law #1 was a school teacher! wooooohoooooo I had a friend to spend the summer with. We layed by the pool. I had a beautiful tan for the first and only time in my life. Girls I know it is not healthy but fat just looks better tan. Then July came, or as I like to call it ... The Day HELL woke up! I woke up on July 2 and OH MY GOD it was 112 degrees outside. Thats ok I can do this. Turned the air down to 50. Its going to be fine. So I decided to be a good girlfriend and invite over the future relatives. Fun people and easy to get along with. We ate and I don't know took the kids down to the pool I think. My sweet wonderful future brother in law ask...whats that air set on. I said oh .... 50 but its really hot in here. He just laughed. I had no idea what was so funny because as a southerner i was humidifying the entire neighborhood. ( southerners don't sweat we humidify) Everyone lookded a me funny and I was like WHAT! They just laughed.
July 5th its HOT, I got my groceries up 3 flights of stairs. All I could think about is my air is on 50. When I get in it will be cool. Guess what? Air on 50 steady hum of my monthy bill going up up up and its 80 degrees in my apartment. How can this be? Its on 50 says right there 5-0. So I call sparklie boyfriend who is sitting in his nice big chair in his nice cool office ( thats what lawyers do they sit in big chairs dont' let em fool ya). He said now darlin it does not matter how low you turn the air. Its to hot, the thing can't keep up with the outside air temp. Oh soooooooooooooo now he decides he is the keeper of all things air conditioning. He comes right in and turns the air to 72. WHAT! 72 I'm melting here! Well with his keen eye of observation and all things hot as HELL. He explains, the air condtioner can't keep up with the air temp it is to hot outside. What the hell! My air conditioner in Tennessee kept me cool. Always a steady 72 in the summer. What the HELL. He laughed and said your bill is going to be high. Boy he wasn't just whistling dixie it was 445.00 that month and the apartment was the size of my living room in Tennessee! Did I mention it was still hot?
August approaches and I'm cleaning up the cracker box one day. I feel a blast of 197 degree heat! Now it was easy for me to feel this breeze as Mary Hannah and I had decided it was better to just roam around in our underwear. This was cooler. So it was a summer of underwear and bathing suits. So I feel this rush of air from the broiling oven outside and low and behold right behind my T.V. the window was OPEN. OPEN I don't mean just cracked I mean OPEN. Well no wonder my electric bill was so high I was trying to cool the entire state of Texas. So I called Mary Hannah over and said baby we don't live in hell the window is open. She as usual was unimpressed! My new friend sister in law #1 was impressed! She could not believe we had not noticed. Future sister in law # 1 is from Texas and never really seemed hot at all though when I was melting she was comfy. Go figure.
I slammed that window shut so hard it rattled. Ran over to the little thingy on the wall and turned it to 50! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh with in 2 hours I had icicles on the light fixtures. It was great. I did not care about TXU. (electric company) I was a happy camper! I was so cool I actually put on some clothes. Weather man would say hot hot hot in Texas and I was fine because I closed the WINDOW!
So sparklie boyfriend comes over and says ... wow its cool in here. That was the first time I realized sparklie boyfriend is really really smart. He may know how to get you divorced, sued and probated but HELL he knows not one darn thing about air conditioning! So Mary Hannah and I made it the rest of the summer. Our little dog was happy to be lounging in the cool 70 degree box also. I guess since I mentioned Mitize I'll need to tell you about her in our next blog. Mitzie was a great dog.
until tomorrow!
July 5th its HOT, I got my groceries up 3 flights of stairs. All I could think about is my air is on 50. When I get in it will be cool. Guess what? Air on 50 steady hum of my monthy bill going up up up and its 80 degrees in my apartment. How can this be? Its on 50 says right there 5-0. So I call sparklie boyfriend who is sitting in his nice big chair in his nice cool office ( thats what lawyers do they sit in big chairs dont' let em fool ya). He said now darlin it does not matter how low you turn the air. Its to hot, the thing can't keep up with the outside air temp. Oh soooooooooooooo now he decides he is the keeper of all things air conditioning. He comes right in and turns the air to 72. WHAT! 72 I'm melting here! Well with his keen eye of observation and all things hot as HELL. He explains, the air condtioner can't keep up with the air temp it is to hot outside. What the hell! My air conditioner in Tennessee kept me cool. Always a steady 72 in the summer. What the HELL. He laughed and said your bill is going to be high. Boy he wasn't just whistling dixie it was 445.00 that month and the apartment was the size of my living room in Tennessee! Did I mention it was still hot?
August approaches and I'm cleaning up the cracker box one day. I feel a blast of 197 degree heat! Now it was easy for me to feel this breeze as Mary Hannah and I had decided it was better to just roam around in our underwear. This was cooler. So it was a summer of underwear and bathing suits. So I feel this rush of air from the broiling oven outside and low and behold right behind my T.V. the window was OPEN. OPEN I don't mean just cracked I mean OPEN. Well no wonder my electric bill was so high I was trying to cool the entire state of Texas. So I called Mary Hannah over and said baby we don't live in hell the window is open. She as usual was unimpressed! My new friend sister in law #1 was impressed! She could not believe we had not noticed. Future sister in law # 1 is from Texas and never really seemed hot at all though when I was melting she was comfy. Go figure.
I slammed that window shut so hard it rattled. Ran over to the little thingy on the wall and turned it to 50! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh with in 2 hours I had icicles on the light fixtures. It was great. I did not care about TXU. (electric company) I was a happy camper! I was so cool I actually put on some clothes. Weather man would say hot hot hot in Texas and I was fine because I closed the WINDOW!
So sparklie boyfriend comes over and says ... wow its cool in here. That was the first time I realized sparklie boyfriend is really really smart. He may know how to get you divorced, sued and probated but HELL he knows not one darn thing about air conditioning! So Mary Hannah and I made it the rest of the summer. Our little dog was happy to be lounging in the cool 70 degree box also. I guess since I mentioned Mitize I'll need to tell you about her in our next blog. Mitzie was a great dog.
until tomorrow!
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