Our Brief Foray into the foster care system!

So several years ago, 5 to be exact.  Dear Husband and I decided we needed a baby.  Now having no parts to procure one I had to look at options.  We decided to adopt.  Now I'm not sure where that rational came from.  The only think I can think of is, I was just plumb nuts.  I had Mary Hannah who my DH treated as his own.  We had his 2 that well lets just say one was tense and one was like mine.  Low and behold everyone could get  in the car by themselves and precious Miss Priss was playing softball all over the place, the like my own was in high school and trying to get away with all the crap I already did.  Life was good. Unless you ask the"just like my own" and life was never good for her gothy self in high school, bless her heart. 

So we decided this adoption thing was for us.  Now DH not so sure but I begged, begged some more and pointed all the wonderful things that would happen.  He was resigned.  DH doesn't like to argue you see.  I just usually get a "Yes Dear".   Even when I'm spoiling for a good fight I get "yes dear".  Now see if my ex husband would have refused to fight with me, well we could still be married.  mmmmmmmmmm well thanks be to god he was a fighter too. 

So here we are.   Showing up to get a baby, omg this was not supposed to be so hard.  I was supposed to show up pick one out and go home.  I'm good people right. Why did I have to prove I could keep fingers out of electric outlets and feed a child.  Look at me I'm fat! the only person concerned about anyone having enough to eat at my house was my daddy.  He used to call every Saturday and say " you got plenty of groceries".  I always wanted to say "Daddy have you seen me lately".  I didn't though I just said "yes daddy I'm fine" and he'd say are you sure and I'd say "yes Daddy I'll let you know if I lose a pound".  Then he would launch into keeping my oil changed and enough gas in my car " in case something happened". 


So we wait, we paint a room and wait on our background checks to come back.  Now I know I have never been in the pokey ( not even close ) but do we really know the DH that we married late in life.  ( my mama sue's words not mine ).  Well we get the call.  I'm thinking this will be no issue after all DH is a lawyer and everyone knows they are normal.  ( yeah I'm laughing too )  So the phone rings one Friday afternoon.  DH is home because he just sits on his butt all day anyway.  HE HAD FAILED HIS BACKGROUND CHECK! OMG, he called me at work down at the JPS Pedi Clinic and didn't even have the guts to talk to me.  Talked to Rob.  Now any of you that know me very well know Rob.  Rob is my best friend and yes he's a man and no I don't have sex with him.  It took me 3 years to convince my Mama Sue while yes I love him dearly and would give him a kidney if he needed, I do not sleep with him. OK, now that is settled, DH called Rob.  He did this because he know I would throw something at him.

The background check is not good.  Seems my DH who I love and gaze at over football, basketball, baseball, hockey and any other sport he can find, is an ARMED ROBBER! Yep, he committed Armed robbery with intent to shoot someone or something like that.  I don't know, all I know at this point is I may or may not be married to a serial killer robber person or something like it and all Rob can do is try and tell me calmly.  Well girls, boys and maybe others ... I am not calm at this point.  I want a baby and being married to a serial killer and not having a uterus is not going to stop me now.  So I leave and I go home.  FUMING I might add that DH could be a serial killer robber or something.  Where was this on his background check I did before I started dating him.  ( you can not be too careful and I had a policeman who was my friend so there ya go)  Well hell now he's a serial killer robber or something.  I am PISSED!

So he meets me at his mama's, the chicken.  Leaves Missy Prissy and Almost like my own at home.  He didn't want them to know he was a serial killer robber it seems.  Well DH and my most wondermus ( most of the time) mother in law are really calm.  I have decided I married the wrong family.  They are all really calm. I on the other hand am not calm.  DH is telling me its going to be ok, he will figure it out.  I on the other hand just want to get in the car and go back down to the Tarrant County Sheriff's Department and scream yell and hollar until they do what I want.  If you know me, then you know that is what I do.  I'm a well fluffy girl, with big red hair and some huge and I do mean huge rocks ( thanks to dear hubby) on my fingers and well I know this will come as a shock but I really don't care what anyone thinks!  That usually gets me in all kinda of trouble.  Anyway, so DH is calm, mother in law is calm, sister in law #1 comes in and she's calm,  Sister in law double #1 ( that would be the second one but i love her and can't make a distinction in sisters in law) well she's calm as a mimosa in the summer.  Me I'm nuts and I do mean NUTS!

Well we call the agency person who is CALM.  What is with all the calm?  I'm married to a bank robber serial killer person and they are not going to let me have a baby with that on my record!  So she suggest that we go down to the court house.  HELLO he was just there, he works there most days.  So we do.  Armed with a social security card, drivers license and a birth certificate that says DH was born in Lybia.  LYBIA we are screwed.  Now, granted it was an air force base but this is after 9-11.  LYBIA I'm screwed.  We will get back to the Lybia thing at some point because boy did I have fun with my mama over that one before she met him.

So here we are me, the serial killer robber DH and my mama in law.  My mama in law she was on a mission and when she's on a mission, you better back up.  She is 5 foot nothing of pure mission.  Well the nice bored lady see us and says well hello Bill.  I'm thinking Hello my ass, I need a baby and you know him and if he is a serial killer robber you better just fix that up.  White it out on the report or sumpthing!  So after a little small talk, I'm not talking I'm ready to jump that desk and look my own self.  She says oh my, the last 2 numbers they put in on your social are wrong......... well thanks be to Jesus.  I was not married it seems to Bill Pruett hubbie extraordinaire.  I was married to Luis Argumendo, Bank Robber and to top it all off he was 74.  Hello did now one read this before they called me.  Just set me right off in to Denna Panic for nothing NADA.  Did no one cross reference and see that I was married to Bill Pruett not 74 years old.  I didn't bring up the Lybia part cause people always look at me funny.  Dear mother in law was patting me on the back and DH hubbie was all relieved.  I was like why are you so relieved.  YOU knew you didn't do it.  He said yes but I thought you were going to kill me anyway. 

So here we are, background checks done, room done,  fee paid and we wait.  WAIT, Wait and wait some more.  Seems teen moms and drug addicted ladies who are giving their babies away are not in any big hurry.  Well I am in a hurry as I am turning 35 you see and well I'm another year closer to dying before my soon to be but not here yet baby arrives or even has the case worker call me from his little crib.

We waited along time.  Then we get a call at 2am HELLO can't they wait til morning.  Seems Texas CPS has picked up 2 kids and they have no where to take them and they found us.  WHAT THE HELL! So they want us to take a wonderful little girl.  Girl, I say to DH at 2 am.  GIRL I don't want a girl. I have 2 of those, 1 missy prissy and 1 just like my own and even the dog is a girl.  No I WANT  A BOY and my daddy will take this much better if its a boy! Sorry no.  The worn out case worker who is on her last leg says but pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and DH looks at me.  Case worker says there is a  boy and I know my eyes went around like a roulette wheel about to hit.  I said tell her we will take them.  DH said bring them on! Case worker said oh ... sorry you don't understand.  You are an adoption family and you are only approved for one child.  I was like "what the hell".  NO we only wanted one but since there are 2 and ones a boy we will take both.  She said well its doesn't work that way.  DH just hands me the phone because by now I am standing on the bed in my big pink flamingo pj's saying " what the hell" bring me those babies! DH knows there's no use explaining so he just resigns and hands me the phone.  Now I know he thought there is no way they are giving her both kids.  Not going to happen and no reason for him to panic.

Well I showed him, I was on the phone with the case worker.  She said Ms. Pruett err Branson. ( get that all the time) You were not approved for 2 children.  She was very calm at that point.  Here's kinda how it went.
Caseworker:  I'm so sorry but you are only approved for 1 child under 5.
Me:  Yes that's all I ask for that's why I'm only approved for 1
Caseworker:  I'm really sorry Ms. Branson but I can only place one child the little girl with you
Me: REally Really your going to split these children up because I'm only approved for 1 child really..... call my case worker
Caseworker:  Ms. Branson its 2am
Me: yep sure is and you called me and DH so your phone must be working fine CALL HER NOW
Caseworker:  Ms. Branson I'm sure you understand...
Me: oh yes I understand its 2 am and you have two babies in nothing but a diaper, taken away from their mama ( even though she was drunk as a skunk and ran over a police car with them in the back) I also understand you have no where to put them now you can solve 2 problems bring them to me and I'll go beat the crap out of drunk mama if she shows up trying to get my 2 babies.
Caseworker: give me 10 minutes to call your worker ( my worker was so darn happy to get a call at 2 am she said yes)
Caseworker called back said I'll be there in an hour.

Then it dawned on me HOUR what the hell.  I have to go to the wal-mart.  Don't even think i changed out of my pink flamingo jammies and fuzzy slippers to go either NOPE! So I leave DH at home and go to wally world in jammies.  I don't know what size diapers I need so i buy one of every size.  Clothes omg I don't know how old or big they are so that has to wait.  Bottles sippy cups O MY!

So they show up, I though oh they are gonna be so sacred.  NOPE this might have been my first rodeo but it wasn't theirs.  So we put the exhausted angels to bed.  Now Missy Prissy had a softball tourney the next day.  SO off we go me and Missy Prissy who has no idea there are babies sleeping in the next room.  We leave Bill here to take care of the babies.  Now I say babies one was Miss Gabbie who had been left in a baby swing her whole 18 months could throw her hips behind her ears her muscles were so loose and Blake.  Blake wooooooo that 3 year old could cuss.  He even had me beat. 

So DH shows up at the ball park with Blake and Gabbie.  Love her like my own is still in bed.  I said DH did you get them a good breakfast.  DH said and I kid you not .... sure we had ICE CREAM.  I look at him again ice cream?  Now very dear friend Kim Williams was standing there and I hear her snicker.  She knows DH well.  Ice cream.  He said yes they had a hard night and if they want ice cream they can have it.  I just shrugged made sense I guess.  Didn't matter we had small people again.  Just as I ordered they were ball park ready.  Now to just wade through weeks of mumbo jumbo because like IDIOTS we had done a favor for Texas CPS.  Even our case worker bless her loving heart Kimberly Bielski was shaking her head in wonder and saying Are you nuts.  Have you lost your mind.  I was like NO. leave me alone. 

And so it began........