National Go Braless Day ... your kidding right

Walks up, takes out a soap box and stands on it ... Begins...

So I was looking at my facebook and oh, how I love my facebook.  Seems my friends seem to be celebrating Flip Flop day, Ronald McDonald House day etc... now I am all for these things but really I wear flip flops everyday.  I have that kinda job.  I throw my change in the "help support Ronald McDonald house thingy" and well quite frankly I'm lucking to know if its Monday, Tuesday or Friday.  I'm always asking someone "what day is this"?  So tonight I'm looking at m handy dandy facebook.  You all know that's where I get all my Tennessee and Texas gossip to share with Mama Sue.  Mama Sue and I  we sure do love some gossip.  I call her everyday and the very first thing I say is "whats the gossip lady"?  She will then share some juicy tidbit.  Now I know Sharon Tennessee and Weakley county are small but you know they have some GOOODDD i dee clare gossip!

So here i was all facebookin and lookin at everyones pictures and tryin to be all nosy and scope out peoples page that i'm not a friend of and who are not as savy as me and don't lock their page.  I was getting gossip for Mama Sue tomorrow.  Low and behold there was July 6 invite "National Go Braless Day".  Now really do you really think i can go braless with these.  Once about 25 years ago maybe but then my mama would have said " oh no march yourself up those stairs and put on your underwear". 

I ask you "REALLY" do we need a National go Braless day.  NO WE DO NOT.  You all know as well as i do the only people going braless are the ones we don't wanna ever see braless.  The only exception is if you were in a tornado.  When you heard the freight train a comin you ran out to the basement or ditch or whatever you do to protect yourself in your mu mu and hair rollers and waited for the TV crew.  The only excuse is you did not have time and were loungin in said mu mu when the afore mentioned event occurred!  The only other exception is if you were in a wreck or got into a cardiac arrest situation and someone cut your bra off to perform CPR.  Then you are excused if you arrive at the ER braless.  Those two events being the only exception.

The above CPR mentioned issue will never happen to me.  I have told all my friends who are nurses, doctors, emts and such.  If you have to cut my bra off FERGETABOUT IT! I mean that. I'm not scared of a shock burn.  I'm more scared that when they cut my bra off my boobs will fall under my armpits and I'll never be able to gather them up in time to get to the ER.  If I die anyway what does it matter and I do not want the funeral home person to have to gather them up for me!  I realize this sounds asssine to you all but well that's the way it is.

It is instilled in me from my Mama and my Mama Sue.  I have to have a bra.  Now sometimes I have pretty ones but most often its plain white an serviceable.  For my mother, always clean.  I swear if not she's be mortified.  If I had a car wreck today and I died my mother would not ask if I suffered. Nooooo she would say ... was her bra clean?  Tell me the truth was it bleached purely white?  I have to know.  That is exactly what she would say.  If she had to go home to get me one to take to the funeral home person she would wash it first I'm just sayin.

My good friend Lisa Landry, she has a good southern mama.  She says her mama practically rips her bra off her the minute she walks in the door to wash it.  Her mama always has a washer waiting with just the right amount of "whites" to start a load as soon as she gets to her mama and em's house.

Now my mam will say Denna kay my god your bra is gray when is the last time you washed it with bleach.  Don't matter she's getting my dirty clothes out of the bathroom after a shower and it don' matter a darn bit if i break out.  Its getting bleached!  God love her. 

Now i have a story that just happened last week with a client of my hubby.  Said client was a skinny girl due to a wee little drug use.  Well she's a sweet girl and turning it all around.  She is the same age as my "sparklie".  So i took her and got her hair did a few months ago to get her all spiffy for court.  (worked to I might add ) Of course now that she has been clean and off the "stuff " she's gained a little.  Well kinda a lot.  SO she had no clothes, so my friends who is the mama of said girls ( we will call her ummmmmmm sweetie ) boyfriend said "go to my closet and find her something to wear.  SO Roxie ( the mama) was out of town and i  commenced to digging in the closet.  Black pants, blue top perfect! So Sweetie goes in the bathroom and comes out looking like a sausage stuffed in the pants.  I said oh this will not do.  You Sweetie need a girdle.  Well being of a skinny body before she had never heard of a girdle.  SO i called Roxie and said ummmspanx. 

So we give Sweetie the Lycra.  She's in the bathroom and we are yelling instructions thru the door.  We would be Angie and me.  I dearly love Angie and we just usually have a big ol time talking about people at work.  Well we are yelling thru the bathroom door for her to pull and tug.  Well Sweetie emerges with some humidification on her upper lip and she's huffing and puffing and says " i can't breath in this".  Angie and me just laugh and say, "stand up straighter and take shallow  breaths you'll be ok."  See WIN WIN.  She looked skeptical.

It worked though she looked real nice.  She managed to get it back on later that day with little humidifying and man her posture sure was good.  See all southern girls know what girdles, spanks and all in ones are and we know to use them.  Nothing uglier than muffin top.  If those poor girls were taught to wear the pantie girdle there would be an end to muffin top!  I told Sweetie see you just maneuver your fat around to where it fits and all is smooth and you look so much better!

Braless really.  No one on earth wants to see the folks at wal mart braless.  On "National go BRALESS Day " where do you think said folks will head.  WAL MARTS! Heck half the Wal Mart population do not wear bras on a good day.  Can we stand National Braless Day.  Its kinda like when they burned their bras for women's lib.  Those southern ladies might have been burning but i can bet you they had one on and an old one with bad elastic to burn.  They in no way burned the good bra's.  They burned the ones that their mama's couldn't bleach anymore.  I PROMISE YOU!

So girls you can say you are going to attend "National Braless Day" but I know if you are from below Kentucky you will have on your bra.  Now some of us who stay home on July 6th cause we are on vacation might not wear a bra.  We might lounge in pj's or mu mu's all day but you can bet your cross your heart there will be a clean bra at the ready in case we have to go to the Wal-Marts!